A step for a better life

I am Aiza, a 14 year old girl. Well, at my young age I feel deeply in love with a man named Jandy, a handsome, popular, shy and smart freshman in our school. He's my one and only dream, and my one great love.

My friends always caught me staring at him in whatever he does. I admit that it really hurts a lot thinking that he is just a part of my dream and he will never be mine. Until, one time my mother gave me a cellphone, well, I asked for this! I am so happy and excited to text my friends and ofcourse, Jandy! :) I asked for my friends number and Jandy's. Right after that, I texted him and waited so long for his reply.

Me: Hello! :)

Jandy: Who's this?

Me: It's me Aiza.

I can't believe that this is real, I am so happy, I feel so complete that I can now end my life.

Months passed and he became my close friend, I am happy for that but, honestly I am not contented. We share secrets and text each other all day long without having no topics. Until one day, he asked me if he can court me! Oh God! Is this true? Wake me up! I asked my little sister to pinch me because I thought it was a dream, but I was wrong, it was not a sweet nightmare, it was not a wide imagination but it was real! I asked him if he was joking but he assured me that he was serious. I said yes, yes he can court me. I blushed, I feel like I was in heaven. Ohhhh. Thanks God, my dreams are now close to me, I can even reach it!

Days and months passed, officially, he became my boyfriend. As a shy guy, he can never look, stare and talk to me when we saw each other. I wanted him to stay close to me everytime but he can't, he's not that "showy". But he never failed to make me smile and let me feel that he really loves me. Text messages and social networking sites were only our communication, we sometimes hang out but he doesn't talk a lot, he just keep silent. I never get tired of loving him even he is shy and can't express well his feelings to me in person, I love him that much, yes, call me obsessed and pathetic but I still do.

We became couple for three months. Until one day, I already don't receive text messages from Jandy. I can't sleep and I really feel so incomplete. How is this? Does he still love me? Or he already find somebody else better than me? Urgh! Days past, and he still doesn't text me, I can't talk to him in our school because our relationship is a secret and I have my pride. My friends also told me that he is courting someone, and it is really hard to believe, because I love him a lot. Ouch. I miss him a lot, I miss his messages, his I love you's, his hello, everything. I can't help it, my tears are falling, this is not supposed to happen. I am strong!

Jandy is my one great love, but I will never let my heart be numb and myself dumb because of him. This relationship won't work anymore! I have given enough, this is enough! Stop this fucking thing. Then he texted me. I am really mad at him. I can't feel his effort, I can't feel his love. Though it hurts a lot, I already broke up with him without asking his opinion. "MOVE ON"! This is the right thing to do.

This is so hard, I really can't help it. Sometimes, I will just feel my tears falling. I know, Jandy will never be that easy to forget, I love him, I still love him but I don't want him to be part of my life anymore, I don't want to be hurt.

This will never be easy, moving on will be so hard for me. But, this is the right thing to do. I want to have a better life. Yes, Jandy is my great love, but true love and great love will never be the same. I believe  that one day I will find my true love, the perfect man in a perfect moment.