The Journey to Oop

FLASHBACKS

“Come on Morgan!” Celeste says as she pulls me along the trail. I ask where she's taking me and all she says is “You’ll see” in a mocking tone. Her voice makes my stomach do flips as if I was on a roller coaster everytime I hear it. As she pulls me along the trail I look up at her and realize how beautiful she looks today. She is wearing a dusty  light blue crop sweatshirt with dark black leggings. Celeste has her hair in a messy but completely styled bun with highlights, she looks amazing today even though she looks great everyday. I realize that she is wearing her white converse again today, which her parents bought for her during one of her pageants.

As we started coming to a stop I look around and realize we are on a bridge overlooking a river, the view looked beautiful.  There is a cliff in a half circle with a huge waterfall in the middle flowing off the side. On the cliff there was a wooded area full of beautiful animals including: Rabbits, birds, butterflies, and all other creatures.  The area is full of flowers and cute things like that.  It looks like a fantasy world people only see in dreams, I can see why Celeste wanted to bring me here.
After I look at the view for a long time I look over at Celeste and see her eyes are filled with tears and not the happy kind. “What's wrong you're about to cry,” I try and think of  something to add to make her laugh “do you need your squishmallow?'' She laughs a little bit at that but says “No, i just…” she then trails off which she never does because if she has something to say she usually says it because that's just the type of girl she is.

At this point she starts crying and tries to hide it but can't and I immediately run over to comfort her. She then starts bawling and I still don't understand why, I know better than to ask about it although I want to really bad. Instead I just pull her into a tight hug, and hold her for who knows how long. It seems like hours go by that we are just comforting each other when she breaks off and says “Goodbye.” As she says this I get very confused  “What do you mean? We just got here and I need to drive you back home because you don't have your license yet. Don't even tell me you can drive, you failed your test because you hit a mailbox. ” I say as she looks at me with tears filling in her eyes again. “I'm not good enough and I'm useless to everyone, everyone hates me too.” She says while crying “Celeste-” She cuts me off and says “Promise you won't follow me.”

I am about to ask her what she means when she turns around and runs off the bridge falling into the icy waters below. I run to the edge crying and see her hurling towards her death. I see her shutting her eyes and accepting fate knowing she’s about to die as her bun comes undone due to her gaining altitude. I see her smile at me right before she hits the water as if to say “I’m gonna be ok.”

I start bawling and collapse from all of my emotions, I don't know what to feel at this point. I feel hatred at all the people who made her feel like that, sad because the one girl who ever showed me kindness and cared for me one bit about me just jumped off of a bridge, confused because she is perfect in everyway starting from her body to her huge personality that I loved so much, and anger towards myself because I never realized that she felt that way and needed help.

I sit at the bridge crying for hours until the point where it gets dark out. I wipe my tears away and try to take deep breaths when I check the time and realize it's almost 11:00pm. I walk back to my jeep and turn on the radio as I start driving away, the worst song that could ever play, played. Celeste’s favorite song, Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo.

You betrayed me
And I know that you'll never feel sorry
For the way I hurt, yeah

At this point I was crying again and I shut off the radio as fast as I can. I then realized that I never promised Celeste that I wouldn't follow her or die, so I decide to make a silent promise to her. I pull up to my house and run inside and decide to write to Celeste's parents because I didn't have the strength to tell them face to face that their daughter killed herself right in front of me on our lunch date thing.

I wish I could go back and explain myself to Celeste, tell her that I had a crush on her before she jumped. I grab a piece of paper and a pencil to start writing the letter. Celeste and her parents are my neighbors so I could just go over and say it or text them through Celeste's phone but I decide to write it in a letter so whenever I wanted I could leave it in their mailbox without having to see their reactions immediately. I don't know how to start the letter so I just say  “I don't know how to say this but the reason Celeste never came back after lunch was I couldn't take her home, that afternoon Celeste…” I start balling again because the moment was coming back to me again.

     “MORGAN! IT IS ONE IN THE MORNING CAN YOU STOP BEING A BABY AND BE QUIET!!” my mom yells at me for some apparent reason. “CELESTE IS GONE!!! SHE DIED AND SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON WHO EVER AND WILL EVER CARE ABOUT ME! DON'T YOU GET IT I LOVE HER AND SHE'S GONE FOREVER!!!” I screamed back, regretting everything I said.

“STOP BEING DRAMATIC! PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU BUT YOU'RE TOO STUCK UP TO REALIZE IT! ALSO LIKING GIRLS IS WRONG AND YOU ARE JUST CONFUSED! YOU NEED TO GO TO THERAPY AND  YOU PROBABLY WERE THE REASON SHE WANTED TO DIE ANYWAY I MEAN LOOK AT YOU! YOU LOOK LIKE A DEMONIC HOMELESS PIG!!!” My mother yells at me sounding angry.

I start crying harder because she's right. I probably was the reason she died. I look in the mirror and just look at myself for a long time. I realize that I do look disgusting, I have mascara and eyeliner running down my face from my makeup. I'm wearing a ripped striped black and white elbow fingerless gloves, muddy black boots with fishnets, a black tee-shirt with Ojiro Otori from Tribe 9     anime show on it, and my hair in a black Harley Quinn style look except it was all messed up and full of leaves. I close my eyes trying to hide from the world but when my eyes open the memory is different.

I'm at school in the bathroom with my brother Liam when we hear a loud bang followed by screaming. He starts crying silently so I hug him tightly without making a noise, keeping my emotions in check. BANG! It sounds closer now so I sign for him to stay silent because whoever this is must be getting closer. He signs back “I will” but due to his hands shaking so much it looks like it could also be “I see a pink cow.” BANG! It sounds like it's in a class now “Let's make a run for it.” I whisper to him, all he does is nod and count on his fingers. One….. Two….. Three…. We jump out of the stall and run out of the bathroom into the hall. That's when I know we made a mistake. As I look around the man never went in the room, he came out of it.

The man laughs and then says “I’ll give you a three second head start because you just made the biggest mistake of your life and i’m feeling generous.” My brother and I start running for our lives when he starts shooting again. BANG! My brother screams as I see him fall to the floor clutching his stomach. “Go…” is all he whispers before he drops dead before my eyes. I run all the way back to Celeste's house because I couldn't go back to mine. I knocked on the door waiting for someone to answer.

“Morgan, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?” Celeste's mom asks me with confusion in her eyes. “Where is Celeste?” I ended up getting out while panting from the long run and my strong emotions. “She's in her room getting ready for the pageant, why?” Celeste’s mom asked me, concerned from my shortness of breath. I didn't even answer before I burst into the house and ran upstairs to Celeste’s room.

“Morgan what are you doing-” I didn’t let Celeste finish before tackling her on her bed crying. She just held me for about ten minutes before she asked me while still comforting me, “Morgan what happened? Did the teachers say something to you, because I will go over there and beat them to the ground if they did.” I tried explaining but all I got out was, “Shooter, hiding, escape attempt, liam..” I burst into tears again but Celeste got the idea. She started crying silently and said “Oh my god, I'm so sorry Morgan…”  About ten minutes goes by and Celeste mom lets her drop out of the pageant after she walked in on us crying and hearing what somewhat happened. We just stayed there holding each other the rest of the night. We both fell asleep after about five hours. As I shut my eyes going to sleep the vision fades away and I wake up in a strange but beautiful sunflower field that I have never seen before. The only thought in my head right now is Where am I?