Maybe I'm Amazed

November 2019

It seemed like another normal day at my job. Making loaded teas for soccer moms and caffeine addicts. It was a slow Thursday, slower than usual, no customers for hours. I decided on a whim to re download Tinder. Why not? I've been single for years after some bad relationships and missed the companionship. I wasn't expecting anything, either swiping left or getting no matches at all. I realized a pattern on this dating site, fake profiles, real profiles or TOO real profiles. I found myself not liking anyone I've seen and losing interest in the app all together. I gave myself 5 more swipes before I delete it again. 1 swipe left, 2nd swipe left, 3rd and 4th swipe left. Then I got to the 5th and final profile, I felt my thumb go to swipe left out of habit but I stopped. Oh my gosh, I love her glasses, her hair is cute, and she's beautiful! Her name was Carmen, she lived only an hour away, around where my sister lived. I kept looking at her profile and knew I would swipe right. There's no way we'll match, she's way out of my league, but I said screw it, what's the worst that could happen? I swiped right and then, MATCHED! I couldn't believe it, I matched with a girl I actually like, This is crazy! I braved up and sent the first "Hey!", thinking "she went respond, she probably already found someone. I then started getting busy at my job and turned my phone off. A few days passed and I couldn't stop thinking about her. I never received a notification she responded, and I didn't want to seem desperate, so I left it alone. I went to just see if she read it and, she responded the Thursday we matched! "Why didn't I get a notification?" I said to myself as I thought about what conversation starter to use. My sister just had my nephew 2 months before and I was holding him while he was asleep. I decided to take a picture of us and send it to her, that broke the ice! We talked all day, everyday for a week straight! We had so much in common, movies, video games, Funko pops and dachshunds! I couldn't wait to meet her, but then, I heard nothing. What happened? Was it something I said? We told each other about our families, our dreams and so much more. Was it too much too soon? She was going on an early birthday trip the next week, I saw her post of Snapchat so I knew she was okay. I just wish I knew why she disappeared. My friends told me to "move on","get over it". Usually I could, I've been with a girl years ago for a year and got over her pretty fast. Why is Carmen different? What is it about her that's driving me crazy? Weeks later I finally decided to message her.