College Karen Gets Preggos

we da people of walmart

It was a regular day for your average basic Karen. Today she had her friend Suzie over, who promptly told her that she needed to catch a dick. You would have thought she would have known that when your name is Karen in modern day times, wtf was wrong with her parents naming her she has no idea, you weren't going to get dick anytime soon.

As she was getting ready to have dinner, she thought to herself, shit, I forgot to get butter. So naturally, she grabbed her stuff and went to Wally World to go get butter. As she was driving there Eminems, "The Real Slim Shady" was playing on the radio. "Damn, haven't heard this song in years" she said to herself. "Bitch idk what you are talking about because I may not be able to stand up right now but every way in hell I am the REAL slim shady" she also, very randomly, said to herself, even though litteraly no one could hear her.

As our lovely Karen pulled into Walmart, there was a spot right up front that she was about to take. All of the sudden, this old guy pulls in from the other side.

"Aww fuck you, you old pervert assface!" She yells as she deliberately honks on the horn.

After many attempts, Karen finds a spot and let's say she burned a few calories getting into the store. To get to the butter, you have to go through the milk aisle and so she did just that. But as she did, she noticed a hot ass man loading milk into the cooler. Chaddy Daddy, his name tag read. But he was also in her way, so she could care less about how hot he was until he moved out of the way.

"Um, excuse me...Chaddy Daddy"

"Oh um sorry-"

"Karen haha"

"Well, Karen, what a coincidence, it was like we were meant to be"

Now, you see, Karen wasn't bad looking. She was 5'6 (1.676 meters) with reddish brown hair that went about an inch (2.54 cm) past her shoulders. Like most people, she had brown eyes and a nose and lips. Also like most people, she had eyebrows and lashes that looked pretty with mascara on, like now. It was just her name that ruined it all. Karen. Why Karen? How are supposed to get married or catch a dick with a name like that? Fuck her parents for that sole purpose.

"Ahem?"

"Uh, yes?", Karen said with slight annoyment.

"I asked if I could have your number. You seem pretty cool to hang out with"

"Oh um yeah sure it's 000-000-0000" She said while he was typing it in.

"Cool", he said, "But I'm warning you now: I'm not really looking for a relationship, I'm not into that kind of stuff, but if you ever wanna hang out or catch dick hit me up"

"OK well see ya" she said, walking away

"Bye! Don't forget what I told you!"

As she was getting the butter, she thought eagerly to herself, holy shit I'm about to get dick for free. As she was driving home she thought, holy shit I'm getting dick because of my name. My goddamned name. The one thing that couldn't get me dick is the the only reason I'm getting dick!

(AN: 559 words in this chapter not including the authors note)