Fundamentals of Marriage | Suarez I

Chapter 40

My chest was the first thing I held after closing the door of my office. Malapit nang matuyo ang bibig ko dahil sa kakalunok but thinking about the kiss I gave him aids my thirst.

I can't believe I did that. Am I fucking crazy? He was just asking me. It was just a yes or no. Why did I kiss him? Gaano ka na ba ako katigang? I scolded myself, walked back and forth, and cried about what happened.

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

Just in time, my eyes went down to his lips. He was looking at me, waiting for my answer. But instead of giving him a word. I stood on my toes and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

That was the last thing that happened before his door opened and Yuri went inside. Naitulak ko pa siya pagkatapos halikan nang walang permiso. I don't know where did I get the nerves.

I'm doomed. My thumb and index massaged my temples. Just how, how can I work normally again?

Hindi ako makapagpokus sa trabaho kaiisip sa nangyari. It kept repeating in my memory. I can see myself kissing him on my laptop's screen. I called Ken to keep me sane.

"Ken," reklamo ko. "I did something horrible."

"Ano na naman 'yan? Did you fart in front of him? Did you burp on his face or did you wet his pants again? Or is something else wet?"

Nauna ang pag-iling ko sa mga sinabi niya. "What kind of brain cells do you have? Anyway, I wish I just farted or burped but I did something more embarrassing than that."

"What?"

"I kissed him."

"Gaga ka," aniya at saka tumawa.

Sa lakas ng tawa niya pakiramdam ko'y nasa harapan ko siya ngayon. "What should I do? Should I apologize?"

"Did you regret it?"

"Yes. I should've not done that. Hell, I'm crying in shame. Anong gagawin ko, Ken?"

Should I go home and never go to work again? Should I act as if nothing happened? I can pretend I don't remember it.

"If you're not sure if he likes it or not, you can apologize."

"Paano nga ako mag-aapopogize kung hindi ko alam kung anong mukha ang ihaharap ko sa kaniya ngayon?"

"You have to face him. Harapin mo, nahalikan mo nga. Masarap ba?"

"Yeah?" I touched my lips and it flashbacked in my mind again.

"You're a pot, Era."

"Pot?" Kumunot ang noo ko.

"Maganda pero marupok. Go and apologize if needed. I only made up an excuse to answer your call. I need to go now. Nasarapan ka naman, okay lang 'yan."

I stared at my phone's screen when he hung up. He's becoming more rude and harsh now. He didn't lie though. I'm not just fragile, I'm dumb and impulsive.

Ang tagal kong nag-isip kung magsosorry ba ako o hindi. I ended up ordering pastries and coffee from Delicada. I asked them to deliver it. It arrived perfectly for a snack.

I rather say sorry than to be awkward around him. Madali lang naman sabihing hindi ko sinasadya kesa umiwas at umarteng wala akong alam.

Holding a small box of bread and a cup of coffee, I went to his office. I knocked and waited for his word.

"Come in."

He was skimming the papers on his desk when I entered. I had to wait for him to look at me. And when he did, I felt electricity all over my body.