Coniferous | dreamnotnap

20. Training Time

Sapnap was crying by the end of his story. The cloud spell had worn off, and his hands had tightened into fists, eyebrows had scrunched together. He wanted to wipe away the tears but he didn't want to draw attention to them. He instead kept his gaze averted, not looking at either of them even when he could see them staring out of the corner of his eye.

No one had spoken for a long time. When he started to panic that he said too much or something bad, he looked at George.

George's expression was blurred through the water in his eyes, but the subject of his gaze was obvious. He was looking at Clay. Still, no one said anything.

"I'm sorry." Sapnap blurted abruptly.

That made George look at him. "What? For what?" He asked.

Sapnap wasn't sure how to answer that. He floundered a moment, trying to place his tongue in the right spot to form the beginning of a word. "I- uh... I don't know. Sorry."

George licked his lips in thought, looking closely at Sapnap like he was trying to interpret his expression. Sapnap thought that he would have looked like an anxious 3 year old with a beard, in Georges point of view. He had no idea how he actually appeared to him. He wished he did.

"Your mother was in your nightmare, Sapnap?" George asked suddenly.

Sapnap felt his heartrate spike. "Yeah...? Uh, why?"

"Nothing. Never mind. Would you like more tea?" George had asked him the question, but never bothered to wait for an answer. The tea was already in his cup before he could speak.

Sapnap stared at it, watching the steam rise steadily in the stagnant air. He suddenly wanted to open a window.

"Why did you mention my mother?" He asked.

George smiled awkwardly, not making eye contact. "It was just a question."

Sapnap narrowed his eyes, but decided to just let it go. He picked up the painted mug and brought the drink to his lips. It probably wasn't that important anyway.

The three sat in silence for awhile while Sapnap drank his tea. George was playing with Clays' fingers on the tabletop and Clay was watching him. Sapnap didn't want to look at them. He looked around the room, instead. All the black curtains were held open by strings, letting morning sunlight pour in through the window above the couch across the room, a mixture of gold and green as it filtered through the healthy trees of the end of summer. Dust lit up in the light like smoke. Sapnap sighed, now feeling like every breath he took brought all that dust into his lungs. He downed his tea and looked away.

With a thunk, he set his mug on the table once more.

Eyes were drawn to the sound. He felt better now, two magic drinks down the hatch. He met eyes with George. George blinked at him.

Clay suddenly slammed his hand on the table, making both of the others jump, one in surprise and one in fear. He had been so quiet that Sapnap had almost forgotten he was there.

"I'm going to learn how to control the shifts." He announced.

"You- you're what?" George stared at him like a cat would stare at an unfamiliar dog, wide eyed and frightful. "Didn't you- you can't- you already tried that and its not-"

"I will learn how to control it." Clay said with finality, then continued less confidently, "or... maybe you could find a way to reverse it?"

Silence filled the cottage.

George laughed incredulously. "That would likely kill me."

"I will kill Sapnap if we do nothing." Sapnap watched the humour drain from Georges face. "I don't want to kill him. I don't want to kill anyone. I don't want to be a monster anymore, George. I don't want to be the cause of nightmares, or paranoia, or trauma, anymore." Clay's breath caught in his throat and his waterline turned red. His closing sentence came out choked and breathy. "I can't do it anymore."