Sanctuary

Chapter 3 Frustrations

"I did no such thing." He shot back.

"Yes you did, and what hurts more, is that you knew you did." If my race could, I would have had smoke coming from my ears. "I am going to have to return to the Sanctuary and explain how I could not control my driver. Even if you don't say anything, Jeffery is going to tell every single ypi̱réti̱s about what you did, and then..."

"Wait just a minute." Varden barked. "Are you saying you're just mad because you can't control me?" 

Ugggggg! Why did he always do this? He cut straight to the heart of the matter without seeming to try. This was his fault, if he hadn't opened that door Jeffery wouldn't have seen him, and everything would have been fine.

"This is going to be all your fault!" I yelled, fist balled. "I can't punish you, you're special. But if he," my finger pointed towards the cab. "Speaks a word of this to anyone, he knows what he'll get." I hissed.

"If he doesn't, I will." Varden leaned back in his seat and sighed like he'd said nothing.

"You'd do that to me?" I was shocked. We had been forced together for almost a year, and still he understood so little of our ways.

"What? So I opened the door for you. You women are far too uptight..."

"We are not! That is the way it is done. That is the way it has always been done. In our Sanctuaries, women rule and men serve, that's the way it is. If it gets out that you opened my door and Jeffery didn't I will be the laughing stock of our entire order!" Venting felt good, but as always it didn't phase Varden in the least.

"What you are mad about is that you can't punish me the way you have each and every man you use on a very short leash. I mean, the way you women use these men would make any feminist on the planet swell with pride." He pressed back in his seat as the Hummer began to move.

"What do you mean by that?" I shot back.

"You use these men the same way men have tried to use women since time began. But because the rolls are reversed you see nothing wrong with it. Your entire system is pathetic, and you don't like me poking holes in your facade and making you see what you don't want to."

"I hate you some times, you know that, right?" He was right and I hated it. But what was I going to do? I was a zi̱ti̱tí̱s of the Sanctuary, and as such I was forbidden to engage in any long term relationship, ever. My first and only loyalty was to the word of the High Mother.

But then there was Varden, I hated him most of the time, and tolerated him the rest. He'd gotten under my skin without me even knowing he was there, until it seemed he could read my thoughts almost as well as I could. He was handsome, articulate, intelligent, the fact that he was the only male Shaper in existence had nothing to do with it. Okay, maybe a little.

 When I'd first found him I wondered if we could be more than student and teacher. Every time before I had just run from my feelings and cut myself off before I got hurt. Only this time I had an out. If I fell in love with this man, what could the High Mother do? She couldn't have him killed, he was too important, and she wouldn't kill me. At least I didn't think she would.

"We have these rules. These rules make things run smoothly. They will not be changed as long as there is a High Mother in charge of the Sanctuaries. Men are born within the Sanctuaries but are not Shaper, they are born normal human males. But do we throw them out on the street, no. If they want, they can stay in the Sanctuary and we provide for their every need. They have everything they could possible want provided for them, all they have to do is all the jobs we don't have time to do."

"You mean you don't want to do."

"Why do you have to turn everything into an argument?"

"Because I was trying to make a point. The point that you women treat your men like pieces of meat. You care for them, you preen them, pamper them," he pointed a finger at me. "And use them however you wish."

"Most men would call that heaven. Do you know how horny some of the sisters are, and I mean, all the time? Our men are so sexed up any guy on the planet would cut off their pinky, and who knows what else, to live with us. The question I have for you is why won't you?"

"Because I will not be treated like a piece of meat by a bunch of horny bitches, that's why. I will not play stallion to any of the mares Damaris wants to set me up with. God! The way that old crown strutted her women under my nose, she was just waiting for me to snap one of them up." He shivered in his seat. "Disgusting."

Looking at him I realized why I was falling for him. He was the first man I'd ever known that controlled himself, instead of letting his self control him. He was the most opinionated man I'd ever met, so much so he could make her mad enough to ring his neck. But that was what had drawn me to him, he was everything I thought I'd never find in a man, an equal. Not only an equal, but a superior. I wanted someone who would, and could protect me. Though I would never be caught dead telling anyone else that.

"What are we going to do? She will never understand." Catherine slumped in her seat. "Us."

With my eyes closed I never saw Varden move until I felt his arm slide behind my shoulders.

"She's not going to kill us, even if she does find out. So don't worry, we'll figure this out some how."

I buried my head in his chest. How could I be so mad at this man one second, then the next want nothing more than to hold him and never let go? We verbal spared all the time, I was set in my ways and he in his, but we never attacked each other, only our ideas.

The only thing about this problem was that it didn't have a solution either of us could find, and that frightened me. I was tired of being able to be with him only when we were alone. This, him being here, and me being at the Sanctuary, had to stop, and sooner the better. Until then, I would take our time together where and when I could get it.