Under the Stars

A Clip Around the Ear

Narcissa Lucrezia Malfoy would never admit aloud that she had regrets in her life. She was too proud to allow herself to wallow in moments of self-pity, let alone show it publicly. She supposed that expectations played a huge part in that. She was, after all, a Black. And a Malfoy by marriage. Still, those regrets were there, buried deep. For example, she regretted that she hadn't been strong enough to persuade her late-husband to turn away from the path he took them down. She regretted that she had followed him willingly, blindly even. She regretted she hadn't been able to save her son from the torment he was put through during the previous two years. She regretted that she'd never seen the hidden misery in her son of the expectations placed on his young shoulders due to his familial name.

She had, from an early age, known she was to marry into the Malfoy family. Lucius Abraxas Malfoy was a haughty boy a few years above her at school and someone who grew into an even haughtier man so full of self-entitlement and privilege it was often hard to comprehend. But Narcissa was also a pragmatic woman. A Black trait too, though it was often buried beneath layers of self-righteousness and superiority within the family. She had accepted back then that this was her lot in life and she had to make the most of it or she would either grow into a bitter old woman, like her Aunt Walburga, or go mad, like her oldest sister, who despite being married to Rodolfus Lestrange, never stopped loving Tom Riddle. After witnessing Andromeda and her cousin Sirius being dispelled from the family, walking away hadn't been an option.

The union between the Ancient and Noble House of Black and the equally Ancient House of Malfoy had happened without resistance or questioning. Later, she had come to understand that beneath the outward appearance Lucius was a weak man. But didn't that just explain how the Dark Lord had manipulated and controlled him so completely? Lucius was, in truth, a man out of his depth when it came to his heritage and the many ambitions the Malfoy name offered him. It was his inbred duty to uphold a legacy, continue a line, to pass on an estate to his oldest when the time came but he was too tempted by superiority, greed, and the desire for power by any means possible. Perhaps she'd never forgive him for that. But, despite it all, he was a loving man; he put Narcissa on a pedestal and when their son came along, Draco became the most precious thing in Lucius's life. In return, she'd grown to love Lucius in an unconventional way. Or perhaps it was simply that she was accustomed to a certain lifestyle and he provided that. And she certainly recognised that there wasn't anything Lucius wouldn't do for them both. It was just a shame his ideas were often misguided and his ways were generally unwise and narrow-minded.

However, Narcissa understood, perhaps even appreciated, that her regrets were often counterbalanced with moments of shining beauty. She knew that without Lucius, she would never have had Draco and although she regretted being unable to bring more children into the world; Draco meant everything to her and she would do anything for him. And she knew that their regrettable dark path had led to Narcissa finding her strength, a strength that was utterly underestimated by those around her, even Bella had often derided her for being a weak witch and an even weaker woman. But as she's stood on that battlefield surround by people she hated and ideals she hated even more, she found her true grit and defied the Dark Lord. She would never regret that moment. She had done it for her son of course, her motivation wasn't entire prosaic, but she knew, as she knelt beside the figure of the fallen Harry Potter in the Forbidden Forest and felt his heartbeat, that this was far bigger than her and her dreams and her son. Her strength... her defiance was about a better future for all of wizarding kind.

She also understood that the regrets often highlighted a better way to do things and a brighter future. It was only now that she realised she had the strength to embrace the changes she wanted but maintain her lifestyle. But at least she had realised that and now Narcissa had a different life ahead of her. One of her own making. It helped that she was a considerably wealthy widow too. And some things didn't change in the Wizarding World no matter all that had happened; money still commanded respect and it was often a case of who you knew, not what you knew, that could forward your way in the world.