𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐞 જ⁀➴

IX

Jameson

The ache in Jameson's chest had not once subsided since his encounter with Cassandra, and it only managed to increase in withdrawal from the time of her departure from his being. He could masquerade as a perfectly competent person when he entered his dormitory that night, but instead he ignored the string of questions that followed in pursuit and slammed the bathroom door shut, gathering his insanity back into his hands when he dropped his forehead against the wall and choked. He hunched down on the edge of the bathtub, hand in his hair as he gripped and twisted tight at the where his scalp begun.

I could never forgive you, was what she had told him.

Jameson should not have cared so much. She eventually said she had forgiven him, but the pinch of reality that constantly reminded him that could have been due to pity churned his stomach into irreparable bits. The world appeared to blur into a void, a smear of blinding colours and it only forced Jameson to mash his eyes shut together, the thumping in his temples growing more incessant along with the hammering strikes that Adonis pounded on the other side of the door. Of all people, he had not wanted to see him—a sudden urge to pummel a fist right in the middle of his face itched beneath his palms and the impulse disintegrated the second it had emerged, leaving only a seething knot of disgust in his chest. Alone and forced to grapple with the emotions that nipped at his gut, Jameson merely fell to the cold ground with a whimpering choke. He urged to hurt himself for thinking so cruelly of his best friend.

The knocks on the door did not for a second diminish.

"Jamie?" It was Adonis again. "Open the door and let me in so that i can help you." He pleaded. "Don't shut me out."

Jameson wanted to open the door then, unlock it and let in the sole person he truly believed he needed in that moment, but something sat unwanted in his chest, brittle yet so incessant to wreak havoc upon the impending ache that he remained still. There was no response for a long time that Jameson really believed that Adonis had completely given up on the hope that was helping him, but then a slight scuffing of shoes caught his ear once more, forcing his emotions spill to over, like a pot boiling over, the scorching heart of the remnants burning him, and no matter how hard he attempted to keep himself in check he could not. God, he could barely manage a breath inwards.

A thud on the wood and the faint shadow beneath the door helped Jameson understand that Adonis had in fact not left him at all, but was now sitting on the cold floor too. The thin barrier between them was not at all something Jameson was comfortable with, but the thought of Adonis seeing him a complete wreck compared to what he was used to glimpsing at made Jameson want to shrivel inside.

"You alright in there?" Adonis muttered, his tone thick. "I'm terrible when it comes to this, Jamie, but it doesn't at all mean that I don't give a shit about you. Because I do. I care about you, okay, and seeing you like this...I need you to tell me what to do?"

Jameson rubbed his hand further into his aching chest.

Adonis sighed heavily, thumping his head back.

"Do you remember back in second year when I shouted at you for absolutely no reason during breakfast? I was pissed off and you had no clue why, but you continued asking me anyways until I had given in." Adonis began reciting the memory, and the words repainted the picture for Jameson vividly, the harsh pricks of Adonis' anger still palpable beneath his lids. "I told you then it was because of my father. I was lying, and I'm pretty sure you already knew that, but you went with it to keep me from getting all riled up again." Adonis sighed under his breath, laughing soundlessly like the memory was coming back all funny to him then and there.

"I was jealous, you see. You'd been spending more and more time with the boys from the football team, and I tried to get in just to be closer with you, but i didn't make it in because I was completely shit." Jameson's breath steadied as the story continued, and a sprout of content blossomed in his chest. "Kav told me I was being absolutely stupid and that you were always going to be my best friend. I didn't believe it, of course. But do you remember what you told me after i'd shouted at you? You somehow knew the truth and said some bullshit about us being blood brothers because I had been obsessed with it at the time during drama class."