ILY, Hanna

I met him in the dark. The place is somewhere I don't want to remember because it is the place where I almost took my life, but at the same time, he was there. That place was so dark not until I looked behind and saw him shined. He's the light in that dark room. The smile on his face gave hope to every broken part of myself; he is hope, hope is he.

After that night, I went back to see him again. Hoping he's here again. "Oh gosh, calm down self. Please." I was so shy to approach him because I'm not the type of person who's comfortable talking to the people I barely know or a total stranger like him. DUH! I just saw him last night! It will be weird for him if I try to approach him tonight. My mind and heart start battling. I am still undecided, but there he is, sitting at the side far from the crowd. It is also the exact place where I was about to... never mind. I'm nervous and it's like I'm going crazy. My heart is going crazy!

He's reading a book. "I like that book. Sarae was good at motivating her readers." I'm shaking. I'm bad at socializing. He met my eyes, and I immediately looked down. I bit my lower lip, scared. "Yeah, me too. Especially this book, "Don't stop believing", my sister Michelle got it for me."

Oh gosh! His voice. I don't know how to describe it, but it gives calmness to my ears. I can sense that he's still looking at me, and I look back; I don't want to lose the chance to see his eyes again. "I'm Hanna, what is– uhm, how are– shit Uhm sorry, I'm bad at this." I feel like I'm going crazy and my heart beats so damn fast. He laughed, I laughed too. And I just realized that after a year, I finally laughed, and I know that I'm not faking it. I know it's real and now I'm smiling at him, and he knows it's real.

And the rest is history.

We have been together for almost two years, and living together for almost ½ year already, and I've been laughing and smiling and chuckling for almost two damn years. It was the best two years of my life. I was alone my whole life, my parents died three years ago, and my other relatives were far from where I stayed. That's why I know I already found hope and happiness ever since I saw him. I learned a lot of things from him. I learned how to cook, paint, write, play golf and online games, and dance, but the biggest lesson he has taught me is to love myself. I learned how to value and know my value. I learned how to not easily give up, be strong, and live a beautiful life. It's a beautiful life with him. Beautiful. I found beauty and peace in the dark. I found calmness of mind and heart in the middle of a deep ocean. I was drowning and scared and confused, but he saved me. Because of him, I learned how to love myself, and live.

I don't want to lose him. I'm scared of loosing him.

He became my family.

A friend.