On Borrowed Time

His Dilemma

He was able to close her door shut even though the knob was broken. He was still nervous, so he went into his bedroom first, to compose himself. As his knees gave way, he collapsed onto his own bed. His heart raced, his mind ran wild. He tapped onto his chest to help him calm down and closed his eyes trying to control his breathing.

"What the hell are you doing Dan Hwal? Why are you thinking of indecent thoughts about her again? This is becoming more frequent now."

He buried his face onto the pillow that she laid on and hugged the blanket that she used when she slept on his bed last night. Her scent was still there. It has become his source of comfort as well as the source of his carnal desires. He was stirred up when he saw her half naked in front of him. He was so embarrassed about his body's reaction that he turned away from her until he went out of the door.

This was not the first time she had this kind of effect on him though. In fact, she was and still is the only one who had all kinds of effects on him.

As a child, when everyone else banished him out of the village and tried to kill him because of his curse, she was the first one to protect him. The warmth of her hands when she shielded him to save his life was the first one he'd experienced in his life. At that time, he saw her as his savior and kept remembering her in his heart and mind through the years to come.

As a young soldier, when he chased her on that mountain, he was immediately enchanted by her presence. When he caught up to her and she looked back at him with those sad eyes, his heart ached for reasons he could not understand. When the arrows flew towards her direction, his first instinct was to protect her like how she protected him in his memories. So he did, even though he knew she was Bulgasal, the one he was hunting for.

Her image was always in the back of his mind even when he was already married. Whenever Dan Sol, his bride, held his hand, she kept seeing only the woman that he kept remembering in her visions. At first she was just annoyed, but as time went by, she became resentful of him. It was one of the many things that stained their marriage. No matter her efforts of satisfying him as his wife, it was all to no avail. His thoughts of the woman Bulgasal made him dream about her constantly. It made him the biggest asshole of a husband in all of Joseon.

Dan Sol became even more miserable when their son was born blind. It broke her that Hwal never even held their son Achan in his arms. They did not touch each other for years until their father General Dan Geuk urged them to have more children to ensure the survival of the family and their clan. But when she gave birth to a stillborn, she had eventually lost every bit of hope to reconcile what's left of their marriage. What became of their children devastated her. Him acting indifferent only made her more hostile towards him.

Because of this, he always felt guilty around his wife. Even though they only had an arranged marriage, they used to be friends since they were young. This was at that time when everyone else treated them as outcasts because of their special abilities. He was even relieved when he learned that they were betrothed to each other and genuinely happy that she accepted him.

Despite being haunted by the curse, he was grateful to get the chance to have a family of his own. He thought that their marriage would bring him hope for some kind of normalcy and a sense of belongingness. He was lucky to have the chance to marry Dan Sol, who not only grew up to become a beautiful young woman, but she was also his one and only friend. What more could he have asked for?

But he did not become her man like he initially intended. Even though he loved his wife and his son, the memories of the woman Bulgasal continued to consume him. It almost bordered on obsession. There was little to no space left in his mind for his own family.