I was four years young when I first met him. I thought, it would just be an ordinary day where I sleep at noon or after lunch, and when I wake up, I'm gonna play with my cousins and the neighbor's kids. Some were bullies, some are not. But then, he came.
My ordinary days started to change.
I'm not really that friendly so I believed that I mah not be able to be friends with him, to play, or even just to talk to him. Aside from not being friendly, I know myself that I'm not approachable, I'm not kind, and easy to get along with.
At this young age of mine, marunong na akong kumabisado ng tao. Marunong na akong mamili. Kaya itinatak ko na agad sa isip ko na hinding-hindi ko siya magiging kaibigan.
But oh well....things happen.
At the age of five, the kid and I became the best of friends. We were almost inseparable. It's funny how I thought before that u would never be friends with him, because I already have lots of them. And really, those kids are annoying asf. If only I could kick their small asses that time, matagal ko na sanang ginawa.
Anyways, ayun na nga. Palagi na kaming magkasama m. Even ihr own parents are having difficulties kung paano kami paghiwalayin sa isa't isa whenever one of us has to go. And believe it or not, we already formed a gang. As in, may grupo na kam sa edad na lima.
There was a kid named Jimbo and Charlyn, my two boy cousins Cj and Christian, Nicole his sister, me and him.
The seven of us studied in the same private korean school, where the founder is pure blooded Korean. Maliit lang yung school kumpara sa ordinaryong eskuwelahan. In fact, I can even call it a mini mansion. There are only three air conditioned classroom, and a music room. A mini pool is located at the back of the mini mansion. The field was not that big, but it isn't also small. The school owned a school bus for us.
Half day ka g ang klase namin kada araw. But unfortunately, hindi kaming dalawa magkaparehas ng schedule. It's funny to think that I learned how to defend and to fight for the things that I like because of that. Yeah, both of us requested to our parents na sana i-change yung schedules namin para magkasabay lang kami.
And of course, at first, hindi talaga sila pumayag, saying na hindi na pwedeng palitan ang schedule kasi yun natawagan ang in-assign sa amin. Upon hearing their words, our brains automatically synced and immodestly reacted. Magkasabay pa kaming umiyak nun, causing our parents to panic, lalo na't marami pang ibang parents sa school na sinusundo din ang mga anak nila.
And there! Magic happened. Boom! Nagkasabay nga kami.
I am always happy whenever I'm with him. Hindi ko na matandaan kung nagkaroon ba kami ng malaking pagtatalo, kung meron man. Being with him, I felt bad a little for his sister and to my two boy cousins. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay nawawalan na siya ng time kay Nicole dahil sakin. Nagi-guilty din ako kasi noong wala pa siya, half of my world revolves around my cousins. Pero ngayon, buong mundo ko umiikot na sa kanya.
But still...no regrets.
I saw how he cried with his sister whenever their parents fight. But I can't offer my shoulder for him to lean on, kasi hindi naman pumasok sa isip ko. I am just five years old that time, still a kid. And tango ko nalang nagawa is to shut my eyes and turn deaf, because my Mama said so.
I saw how he laughed habang naghahabulan kami, or whenever we're playing hide and seek. I clearly sensed how happy he was whenever he's with me. At ganun din naman ako.
I saw how he scraped his knees, how he looked like a cute little monster when the chocolates he ate smudged throughout his face. I saw how he cried, laughed, and smiled.
I grinned like an idiot when I remembered one time na nakasakay kami sa school bus, pauwi na kami nun. Siguro napansin niya kung gaano ako kapagod after running with our classmates a while ago. But I didn't expected his moves. Umakbay siya sakin and let me lean my little head on his shoulders. Hindi ko napansin na naka-idlip na pala ako. And when I woke up, nakahiga na pala ako sa hita niya, while he was silently combing my hair using his fingers.
I didn't bother na umayos ng upo, because after all, comfortable naman ako talaga sa kanya. Nginitian lang namin ang isa't isa, and he still continued on combing my hair. Hindi namin pinansin ang mga nang-aasar na tingin ng nga classmates namin, and even Kuya Benji's stares. There's nothing wrong naman sa ginagawa namin.
I was just six that time when I saw how he struggled and fought with his mom just so he could come near me. Nagtaka pa ako nun kasi nakita kong ang dami nilang bitbit na bag. Naisip ko na baka aalis sila to visit someone, or have a trip, o di kaya'y mamamasyal lang.
Nagtaka din ako kasi sobrang iyak niya nun habang patuloy na nagpupumiglas galing sa mahigpit na pagkakahawak ng mga magulang niya. That's when I asked them kung saan sila pupunta. Tita Glenda, his mother, was the one who answered me. Sabi niya, they're going home na daw.
Of course, nagtaka na naman ako kasi why did she said na they're going home kung nasa harap lang naman namin ang bahay nila.
Confusion filled my face when he stared yelling and crying again. I don't know what kind of Connection ang meron sa aming dalawa, because when I saw him crying, nahahawa na din ako. Mas lalo lang lumakas ang iyak naming dalawa ng paglayuin kami ng mga magulang namin.
Umiyak ako nun kasi nararamdaman kong may magbabago sinula sa araw na ito. At mukhang nagkatotoo nga, dahil pagsikat ng araw kinaumagahan...hindi ko na siya nakita. I never saw him again.
He disappeared from my life...just like that.
As I grow up, nahinog na din ang kaalaman ko tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay sa mundo. And I finally realized what happened to us.
They moved to other places, and while his mo th er told the innocent me before na uuwi na sila, he fought with all his might using his little strength just to get to me. Which he neve successfully did.
Ano ba naman ang laban namin sa kanila? Sa mundo? We would never win against them that time.
At kung nagkasama pa din kami ngayon, siguro kaya na naming ipaglaban ang isa't isa.
Oo, dumadating pa din ang mga pagkakataong iniisip ko kung ano ang mangyayari sa amin ngayon kung magkasama pa kami. Sometimes, I imagine myself leaning on his shoulder, just like what we did before.
Pero kahit gaano man kaganda ang mga iniisip ko, palagi pa din iyong nasasapawan ng mga kaisipang...iniwan niya ako. Hindi na binalikan. Hindi na nga din siguro siya nag-abalang hanapin ako. Baka nga hindi na niya din ako naalala eh.
Of course, it isn't impossible. Mga bata pa kami nun, and I believe na hindi lahat ng nangyari sa atin noon ay nananatili pa din sa memorya natin.
And maybe, I am one of his forgotten memory. I only dwell on his past. Kinalimutan.
Pero sa kabila ng katiting na galit na nararamdaman ko sa kaniya, hindi ko itatangging pangalan niya pa din ang sinisigaw ng utak ko.
And maybe....my heart too.
'Nathaniel'
