Ashcroft's Bathroom Sesh - Garstang Community Academy

Part 3 ~ Confession

Mr Ashcroft was nervous as he stood backstage.

The entire school was impossibly crammed into the hall for this announcement. Even some students stood in the schools cafeteria since the room was so packed.

But most importantly, amongst every single student, Ofsted sat in the front row.

"Maybe I shouldn't do this." Mr Ashcroft whined as Rawcliffe, Passerini, Tasker and Sugden crowded around him.

"You can do this Mr Ashcroft! Theres excellence in everyone and inside you is a wonderful baby that will have outstanding beauty just like their parents." Mrs Tasker smiled in joy while dancing around.

Mr Ashcroft was about to smile before Mr Malloy entered with a smile:

"You should abort it yourself on stage. Then you should throw it at Ofsted. The first one to catch the aborted child gets a food voucher for the cafeteria." He suggested.

Mrs Tasker glared him down:

"MR MALLOY HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME! I AM TRYING TO EDUCATE MR ASHCROFT THEN YOU THINK ITS OK TO COME OVER HERE TO RUIN HIS AND THE BABY'S LIFE!" Her voice was fuming.

Miss Sugden also glared Mr Malloy down as he giggled.

Before they could get another word in, Mr Malloy bolted out the door in a fit of laughter.

"MR MILLOTT GIVE ME YOUR GUN" Mrs Tasker ran to the figure guarding the door.

As soon as she was in possession of the weapon she speeded after the smaller figure and started shooting down the hallway.

"Mr Ashcroft, you should go on stage now. So Ofsted ignore the LITERAL crime Mrs Tasker is commiting as we speak." Miss Rawcliffe ordered.

Mr Ashcroft sighed and opened the curtains.

"Welcome everyone to the assembly." He spoke with pride but paused as half of the room was shouting at the year 7s biting each other and the year nines vaping.

Ofsted indeed didn't look very impressed.

"STUDENTS QUIET DOWN!" Mr Millott pulled out another gun and fired a warning shot.

The room fell silent and stared at Mr Ashcroft.

He sighed before continuing his introduction.

"I apologize for the short notice of this assembly but I need you all to hear this. And Ofsted, I know that cramming all the year groups into the hall without masks is against covid guidelines and regulations. But Mr Passerini believes that covid isn't real and we have to accept his opinions to be an inclusive environment." He explained with a nervous jitter in his voice.

As Ofsted scribbled down some notes he continued his speech:

"As you may know there has been some jokes going around recently accusing me of getting pregnant. I assume that you think that I've just gained a bit of depression weight. But the truth is I'm actually pregnant thanks to Mr Passerini's for making it possible."

The room burst out laughing, not taking Mr Ashcroft seriously. Even Ofsted had an amused smirk on each of their faces.

But then Mr Millot fired another gun shot and everyone fell silent once again.

"I knew you wouldn't believe me. Because a man getting pregnant is absolutely bonkers. I was originally just going to tell the story but for educational purposes we will be acting out my journey like a play."

With that, the curtains closed as Mrs Rawcliffe pushed a table onto the stage as a prop.

Mr Ashcroft lay down on it as the curtains opened again.