TW: mentions of sexual assault, alcohol, sex and depression
If you asked Suna explain the meaning of love he would tell you love means something you can't explain, it's something you need to experience in order to know what it means. Loves is made with alcohol, touch and sex.
•Alcohol• love gets you drunk. Drunk at night where you black out and wake up with a stranger next to you. You can also get drunk off of love with touch and sex it's heavenly like.
•Touch• careful. Touch can get nasty sometimes if it not from the "right" person and don't talk about it if you get sexually assaulted, they'll say you deserve it or you asked for it. If you don't wanna get called a whore keep your lips sealed and don't say a word.
•Sex• when you have to much of it from the same person you'll catch feelings and who wants those? Sex can feel amazing if you want it but remember if you don't want it you're boring but if you give in you're a slut.
This is what suna always thought it was like cause of all his pasted relationships it was the same touch, sex and alcohol. It was never any different but with the help of his high school friend Osamu Miya he learned self love and self respect and he loved him for that. Osamu also help him with many more stuff, Osamu was in love with his best friend.
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Akaashi was a person who denied his feelings when it came to love. He saw what "love" did to his parents and was scared it might happen to him so he never got into a relationship he prefers being alone, He always did. No doubt he was lonely sometimes but he had Bokuto there with him when he needed him and that's what he loved about him although he always told Bokuto they are just friends.
When it came to love Akaashi always thought it was useless, nothing about love was perfect to him and he always tried to avoid it. I guess you can say he was scared of what it might do to him. To him love was shown to have many feelings. When asking him he explained it like explaining the 5 stages of grief
•Denial• When in a toxic relationship you chose to deny the fact it's toxic and you're blind. Too blind to see what's really going on and it only get worse from there
•Anger• when someone tells you that you deserve better and it's a toxic relationship you get mad and blow up on them telling them off. That feeling is not defending your person but its the feeling you hold in when they get mad at you for something you have no control over, you hold it in and wait for the moment to blow up on someone. You know...to take out your anger, the anger you couldn't have taken out on them.
•Bargaining• you've notice the toxic relationship and now you start to see things with a new eye but you're still to blind to accept this and leave so you start to ask yourself "what if" and those scenarios create a better image for how you see of them.
•Depression• when they don't live up to these scenarios of them you made up, you get sad because all you wanted was them but they wanted what you can give not you and you become depressed and then you do what ever they ask. Sexual or not you do everything for them cause you still have a bit of hope.
When telling people this they ask him "what about acceptance" but there is no acceptance. He never saw it nor saw how it looked and that is the full reason why he is scared of loving and being loved, he never saw a happy ending so he never had hope.
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They both never had hope and yet they had hope for eachother.
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Cigarettes after sex ||•SunaAka•||
FanfictionSuna always had a hard time finding the one for him and almost gave up intil he met Akaashi. All his opinions on how love works change when he him. It was different with Akaashi, he was scared that he had fallen for Suna and didn't expect it at firs...
