I walked alongside the darkened skies, trudging past the familiar graveyard of my mistakes and shattered promises, passing by the bones of the dreams I held onto only for them to turn into ashes of yesteryear. The ground was familiar, the path too close for comfort. Days turned into nights, nights turned into days and years turned into seconds. The maps I held within my cold hands lead me away, or did it cause the world around me to float away? I trembled when I saw the cave ahead. I turned around to traverse in the opposite direction only to find that I was flanked by the multiple hollow mouths of the caves waiting for me to proceed into the abyss of no return. How did it all begin? Was it the smile from the northwest that caused me to stumble, or the Maryland eyes that forced me away from all I knew? Was it the way I begged myself to change, when time and time again I made the same errors, nauseated from my mistakes that forced me in front of my biggest enemy? "It's over." The sharp winds of the cave menacingly whispered into the free air. My breath appeared before me as I took one last look towards the flat puddle on the ground. My reflection no longer existed here, my willingness to look at myself in the face and tackle my dilemmas head on was no longer available, or was it the fact that I couldn't hide behind the facade that I relied on to cave within myself? With short heavy steps, I reached out into the abscess of light and let my fingers, forearm, then my body slip away with the shadows. A sudden shiver ran down the entirety of my body. A bright light disintegrated into an astonishing explosion before me, confirming my fears yet my realization. "So I was right," I said into the heavy air. "This is where I belong." I heard about this place many times before, but I ignored it countless times. The words and caution from loved ones could no longer save me as I took my first steps into the place of no return, the last fall I would ever endure before my perilous end. One footing too many caused my body to tumble and roll against earth invisible to my eyes. My happiness, my morality, memories I cherished plummeted along with everything I loved. I reached out for a place to grab onto, a slight ledge in the parts of the unknown but only met cold air. Eventually, I collided within myself, struggling to breathe. The ground felt so bitter, so cold against my cracked bones. My screams were muted in this cave and as the blood coming out of my wounds accumulated, the liquid turned into dirt. The dirt fell into place on the earth as if it was meant to fall there. My eyes began to grow heavy and I began to weep, realizing that time was now against me. The end came rushing in like a roaring avalanche, burying what little humanity and sanity I had in me. I gasped for life and I begged to inhale one last bit of love and nourishment. My pleas went unanswered, giving me the realization that this truly was the end of all I ever knew. "I want to try again! I want to start again! I want to...". My breathing halted, my eyes became glossy and the life I once held perished before I could repair the damage I done from the inside. "Is it over? Did my suffering prevail?" I said to myself. "That's up to you." I blinked my eyes and found nothing staring back at me, just the deathly cold and dark as my audience. "It's not up to me, it never was. They won, I lost." "You never lost anything, you just never learned to accept defeat." I laid still as I shook my head; "accept defeat?" "Does your story end here, or does the past reside in this current place and time? When you're dead, there's no reflections, only the echoes of what could've been. When you're alive, you're ever closer to finding yourself, discovering the way towards what you're meant to be." "There's no hope for me, I let the past control everything." "Your past doesn't mean you deserve to lie there in the blood of your regrets. It also doesn't warrant your surrender." "If there's no hope left, no reason to march ahead, what do I lean on, who do I lean on?" "That answer's with you, it's always been within you. You know what to do, you're just running away from yourself." I gasped silently as I looked back towards my first encounter with the opening of the cave. I ran away from the dark in the hopes that I could avoid what's been troubling me only to find that running made more problems rather then eliminate them. "I don't want this to be the end of me." I involuntarily spoke into the absence of light. "Follow your hikari, leave this place." My legs wouldn't budge let alone my arms as I stared up with tears in my eyes. "I cant! It's hopeless!" "Don't use your mind, use your heart. Your mind will work against you but your heart will steer you in the right direction." I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths as I manifested a dream like definition of what I thought was right. What could be life outside these invisible chains of doubt and loss? Could there be an exit in the distance? My body acted outside of my command, standing up from the dirt. I looked behind me and saw my body turning to dust and bones. "What now?" A small pixel of white light appeared in front of me, miles ahead it seemed. I took shaky steps towards it, lightly chuckling out of shock. A howling wind, sharp as steel smacked into my right leg, cutting it open, creating the sense of impending doom. I staggered and howled in pain, looking around me for an explanation. Once again, I walked towards the light and once again I heard the howling before I felt the excruciating slash against my flesh. My mind scrambled for a way to stop the pain, causing my progress to come to a screeching halt. "Ignore your mind! You want to stop, you want to be comfortable with the pain! Push ahead!" "I can do this, I can do this." As I sauntered forward, I heard hurried footsteps behind me, causing me to glance back. I saw the skeletal remains of my body run towards me, giving me fear beyond anything I ever felt. "Keep going!" My heart shouted out into the space in front of me. I walked ahead, ignoring the fact that my skeleton was charging at me while I was walking at a relaxed pace. "I'll make it, I'm sure of it." The tiny white light became a large opening, revealing itself to be an exit. Within a single foot from the opening, I ceased all movement. "What?!" I exclaimed. My skeleton was catching up to me, extending its hand out to grab me, desperate to keep me in the depths with it. "One final push." I said out loud. Nothing happened but the skeleton behind me only got closer, chuckling insidiously as I began to worry. "Is this where I'm supposed to be?" I asked myself, unsure of my fate. Reflecting on my past, I came to one conclusion, a way to end my doubts with a conviction. With shaky breath, I let my heart speak what my mind would've fumbled. "It's time to move on from the past, once and for all." A sudden push sent me tumbling into the white light, where darkness no longer resided and all was silent. My eyes adjusted themselves to my surroundings where I found myself outside overlooking a sea of trees that swayed gently with the wind that moved past them. The birds chirped a cheery tune before taking flight towards the endless sky. The air was light and sweet, a nice exchange compared to the heavy and thin atmosphere I was under. "Am I alive?" I inquired to the nature around me. "Of course you're alive!" The familiar voice said to me. I took a quick glance around and found no one near me, which I expected. "Where are you? How are you talking to me?" "I'm in the air you breathe, the words you sing into the world. I'm the pep in your step and the love you feel." I turned around and saw a small mound of earth where the cave resided. "Where's the cave?! It was just here I'm sure of it!" "What cave? I only saw a small mound of dirt, nothing more." I glanced at the mound of earth and saw a tombstone in the front of it. I saw my name seared into the stone with a small passage underneath. I kneeled in front of it, noting the absence of my preexisting pain. With a silent but audible voice, I read the passage with a bit of shock. "Here lies my past, meant to be re-visited but never to be reminisced." "That's right." The voice said. "Your past lies in front of you, buried in the blood of your regrets." "I don't understand." "With your past behind you, you can look towards the things that matter." "So my past is gone?" I inquired to the unknown voice. "No, it's here to stay as time passes. You can use this to remember what caused you to change, but never use it as you did before." Before I opened my mouth, the voice told me to look below the overlook. I stood up and walked towards the overlook before i noticed figures below smiling and waving at me. "They've waited for you, cheering you on as you faced your darkest years." "Years? This happened in a few minutes." "What seemed like minutes to you was years of patient waiting for them. We've waited for you to fight your way out of your mind, we knew it was a matter of time before you prevailed." "So... they wanted me to change this entire time?" Of course they did! They're your friends are they not?" "Yeah they are." I said with a small grin. "You took them as your enemies when all they wanted was for you to get better and fight your way towards better days." I held back my emotions and looked around for the one thing I lost in the beginning. "Where's the light?! It blew up in front of me when I was in the cave!" "The light never left, it hid itself within the crevices of your soul until you were ready. Light can't appear when darkness holds the power, but it can appear when you're ready to take the first step." "The first step towards what?" I inquired. A silence filled the space as I looked around towards the unknown for a answer. "That's up to you from here. You can fall back into your own grave or stand tall and march ahead with the rest of your life." The light I thought I lost appeared before me, settling near my chest before slowly immersing itself into my body. I gasped with joy and a small amount of fear. "I'm still lost." I admitted. "I don't know where to go from here." "Listen to your heart, not your mind. Remember that, always." "What about the unresolved issues from my past, the failures and fears I still have that I can't let go of, the resentment I can't shake?" "Overtime, you'll resolve what needs to be resolved, and let go of the issues you'll learn that were nothing short of scant." I nodded my head, unclear of what was told to me, but understanding of the end goal. My body pivoted towards the path between the trees that lead down to where my friends stood. "There's a start." I thought to myself. "That's a start indeed." I caught my lips moving without my consent and I paused out of concern. "Was I talking to myself the whole time?" No voice responded back and I knew better then to ask that question. Before I took my first steps I looked towards the distance, pondering on what stood ahead of me. I knew I couldn't shake the things that caused me to go into that cave with confidence. It would be a long, endless endeavor that only I could really see and only I could truly conquer with time's grace. With my friends by my side and my new approach on the days ahead, I feel that no matter how lost I became, I'd always be able to find my way back towards my hikari, my light that'll shine as long as I look ahead. As I began walking, I asked myself the same question I asked earlier. "Who are you?" I asked. "Hope." The voice said and all was silent.
YOU ARE READING
Hikari
General FictionYour biggest adversary lies between your eyes, but your greatest inspiration can come from the darkest of times.
