'til death do us part | yeonkai

'Til Death

I was a small kid. I was shy. So much so, people called me 'Shy Kai.' Until I was moved into advanced music theory in the seventh grade. Nobody thought I belonged, I was an outcast. Until you took me in. Until you called me 'My Kai.'

That blessed nickname was a badge of honor to me. It still is even after everything...

I was somebody. I was somebody's. But most adoringly, I was yours.

I followed you everywhere. I did everything you did. You became my idol,  my muse. But you weren't quite mine.

You definitely weren't mine when you graduated to high school. Those were the worst two years of my life. My only hope was knowing I'd get to see you after I graduate too.

~

I remember going to your house after school one day, just weeks before your graduation. I remember the date too. March fourth. I met your mom who was very nice and made delicious marshmallow rice bars.

"Where's your dad?" I asked like an ignorant child.

"He moved to Seattle," You said so nonchalantly, "My parents broke up."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be... 'Til death do us part' is just an empty promise, yaknow. Just words."

"Not to me."

The look on your face was so peculiar. I hadn't yet seen you so thrown off guard. You were always so confident and sure, but in that moment, you asked me every question with just the furrow of your brow.

"What do you mean, Kai?"

"I mean I'm not gonna leave you. Ever," I said, "Not until I die."

Your confusion simmered down to a smile so warm, my skin was heating up.

"My Kai is a good boy," You said sweetly, "Good boys don't make promises they can't keep."

So sweet, then so bitter if I can recall the taste of that correctly.

"I know. But it's not an empty promise, Yeony. I mean it."

Then you looked at me, challenging my vow.

"Prove it."

But how could I validate such a big promise at such a young age?

I was lost for an answer until I looked into your eyes. Then my eyes panned down ever so slowly. I leaned in slowly too. Slow enough to let you stop me. But you didn't.

You were the first person I ever kissed and the last person I ever liked kissing.

~

When I finally got to high school with you, you had had two years to forget me. But when I saw you, you saw me too. You saw me and you smiled. You immediately waved me over to your friends.

"This is Kai, the kid I was telling you guys about."

The fact that you talked about me put a childish glow on my face, I'm sure. Anything you said had me fascinated.

You introduced your friends to me. Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Soobin.

"Kai, I think you'd like Taehyun. You guys were born in the same year," You said, "but he moved up a grade. Kinda like you in music theory."

Maybe you had forgotten about me after all. Because if you knew me, you knew that I only liked you.

~

You had invited me to a house party that Beomgyu was throwing. I had no intentions of going until you called me, cooing my old nickname that I hadn't heard in years.