Desperate for love

The comment

I was a kid, innocent, young, dumb, wanting the attention of a man. always going from boy to boy I could never not be with someone. Every guy I dated Id say, he's the one. But would be mistaken. And the next guy id love even more then the last. A hopeless romantic going for older men. Wanting the attention of a man. Until I sent that text which would send my life into a spiraling loop for 2 years of toxic love. I hate him...or do I?

1 comment on Instagram did this. Trying to find someone to love next I found a boy. Jaymes he was older by a year. He was shorter but kind his voice was mature and he was a skinny. We got to know each other and that's how it started from FaceTime to FaceTime. Text to text until we seen each other for the first time. Witch turned into another and another until it was a every weekend thing. This is when I took his phone and looked through it I trusted him I did it as a joke to pretend like I didn't trust him and he didn't mind.
Nash, I remember it well we were at his paintball practice I was taking a break while he went to go get air and paint. and I was looking through this phone and clicked on a name. Nash I went through it and seen text. Dirty text, and pictures. I got out of the truck and went to look for him I seen him walking alone. I furiously walked up to him with his phone in his hand with a picture up. I showed him the phone.

"Who, the fuck is Nash?" He took the phone looking at it confused. I was pissed. "This was a long time ago before we were together" this should of calmed me down but I was pissed. Thoughts running through my head that he used to be gay. Is he still into guys? He explained later that he's not gay just wants to try stuff out.  This should of been a red flag for me but wasn't. I was still pissed so he left me alone in the truck he put his phone in the front seat on the door. He didn't want me looking at it more I knew that. I did anyway pissed and trying to find more if he was leaving anything out.

I calmed down eventually it was a long time ago and nothing about it could be done. The first time we broke up I admit was my fault. My friend convinced me to prank her and my bf. I was iffy on it but she insisted we give each other hickeys. Hers didn't show up on me so I just told him about it. He was mad but said he got over it in a couple days witch he didn't because I got the call saying we were over and he was bothered about him still.

We broke up and 2 weeks later I go to my friends house with another girl. This girl had my bf on snap and was telling him to send nudes I knew they were talking but didn't know he was sending she asked if he could spend the night. He did come over he lied to his mom saying it was a guys house. I was never allowed to sleep over with a boy. I wanted him to come over because I still loved him.

The other girl was trying to be all off him witch just made me do it more. We played seven minutes in heaven and you can probably imagine where that lead. We got picked and went into a back room together. It started of with a kiss. But turned into more then that. We slept on the same bed that night and the girl wanted to sleep beside him too. She eventually moved and slept on the floor. I woke up to her beside the bed awake holding his hand while he was asleep.

It was obvious he didn't want to me on him but wasn't complaining either. He left in the morning as well as the rest of us.