It was 10 on a sunday morning and I awoke to the sound of birds chirping and the smell of my timed coffee machine brewing. This was something I genuinely enjoyed yet haven't cared about very much recently. I didn't want to not care, I just couldn't help it.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend of 4 years had called to tell me goodnight, like every other night. Everything was fine but I had heard a females voice and it mad me suspicious. The next morning I drove over early and found him in bed with her. It nearly killed me.
I mean, a whole 4 years we had been together. He was my first everything, kiss, love, boyfriend and I had lost my virginity to him.
We met when we we were 13, at my friends 14th birthday sleepover. We were playing 7 minutes in heaven and the bottle had landed on him. He was the hottest boy from school and I was of course, the weirdest. That was the first time I ever kissed someone who wasn't a family member 20 years older than me. I know how sad that is but I still think that is the slightest bit sweet. Fast forward 2 years, we were at a kegger for the same friends big one-six.
*Flashback*
"Delilah? Is that you?" A rather deep voice said.
I turned to face a tall, tan, good looking guy with the nicest hair and softest looking face. It was him, he was here after so long.
"Haha. Yes it is, do I know you?"
I tried to play it cool and pretend I hadn't spent the last two years wishing he'd ask someone for my number or acknowledge me at school.
"It's me girl! Dylan?"
"Not sure if I remember you." I stuck with my act. Figured it'd lengthen the conversation anyways.
"Oh. Hmm, okay well like two years ago at Lex's 14th birthday we played 7 minutes in heaven. Except then I was ugly and awkward."
If he thought he was awkward then what the hell was I?
"That was you? You've blossomed!"
Why I said that I'll never know.. but apparently it was enough to intrigue him to keep talking to me. A few days later he did get my number from a friend and text me. We talked for a while until we dated, weird.. I know.
That brings us to now. He confessed that he had been cheating for a while now and then dumped me. Not only making my first breakup super heartbreaking but also making me look like a joke.
It's really been taking a toll on me, I used to enjoy the simplest things and now you have to force me to wake up in the morning. I have my moments where I feel myself but then I overthink it like, 'Maybe I'm getting better and it'll be okay', and I slip back into my sad cycle of crying and sleeping. Not to mention its getting way worse. But theres nothing I can do about it except sit around and wait for me to quit giving a damn.
I don't want to be a super cliche bitch but I kinda am. My everyday thought is that I want someone to love me but guys are douche bags. I mean, I sound like every other girl on the face of the Earth. Matter of fact, I don't even think I've ever romantically socialized with another guy in my whole 19 years of being alive.
I know it's a just a dumb "phase that everyone goes through after their first breakup" but its actually feels so different to me.
I finally stretch out and force myself to get out of bed.
"Maybe today will be better." I sigh.
Today I was supposed to leave for sort of vacation time with my mom. We were going to visit my sister in Seattle where she went to college. Yay for family bonding time. Right?
