The Me In Media

THE OBSCENE SCENE⚘✾

I squeezed both legs together before me, with my hands and buried my face in between my laps, shedding tears of uttermost acrimony. ( ⚈̥̥̥̥̥́⌢⚈̥̥̥̥̥̀)
My phone layed there beside me, probably laughing at me being that it was the reason for my melancholy.

For once in my entire existence, I had a problem and couldn't speak to Remi about it. I was way too petrified and ashamed of whom I was slowly becoming.

•>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>•
JOURNAL CORNER
•<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<•
This kind of addiction is usually kept to oneself.

I never planned to become this way, I never imagined becoming this way... Heck, I never even knew such thing as actual pornography was feasible. I used to live a life completely outside the media and I wasn't surrounded by people or things or activities that would trigger such information. But there I was, suffering from an addiction.

I was oblivious to the actuality that being so addicted to my phone would spur other forms of addiction.

•>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>•
JOURNAL CORNER
•<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<•
Addiction to one's gadget brings about so many other problems.

It all began on a Friday evening. My parents weren't home and I was home alone, locked away in my room. Bored to tear I was; I had nothing to do, therefore I went online to search for random contents.

Precipitously, I came across several posts of nude people but I dissembled the supposed temptation. It wasn't my first time of viewing such. On several occasions, I had viewed contents on the internet that were obscene. Seldom had I ever gone online for a day and not come across, at the very least, ten posts that either had to do with obscene words or photos.

But it was different this time; I was bored and I somehow gained the desire to gaze at more of those contents. Each time I viewed those contents, a deep feeling of pleasure and desire peeked into my being.

I decided to curb the boredom by downloading new apps to play with. I downloaded a novel app and one of these pop-up adds led me to peek into immorality. I was also offered a link and so I went for it.

I couldn't have denied the request reason being that each time I refused, regardless and through some other way, I still bumped into those contents. They were freaking everywhere! I could not control what I saw! I knew that the only way to cut it off was to dump my phone but I wasn't willing to do that.

My misery began from that very hour. I saw a type of movie and a form of entertainment I had never seen in my entire life.

It felt good, and then it felt wrong.
It felt appeasing, and then it felt disgusting.
It was fascinating and also confounding.

I couldn't stop, I couldn't control the desire. It felt way too good to be abandoned; I had never felt that way in my entire life.

I had been really bored and I had the whole house to myself plus non-stop WiFi, hence it made it a piece of piss for me to dive into more videos and not feel a teensy-weensy rue.

I wasn't satisfied. I could not satisfy the urge. I could never satisfy the lust. I made more research and viewed more of it like my life depended on it.

Suddenly, the door flung open!
My heart bounced out of my chest as I briskly sat up and hid my phone under a pillow.
It was my mother.

"What is it? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." My voice trembled and my heart battered.

Surprisingly, she wasn't suspicious of anything at all. How insensitive parents can be?
She surveyed my room but not my body language. She said, "come help me in the kitchen."

As soon as she walked out. I sighed deeply and took out my phone to turn it off.

The queer feeling rested beneath my soul as I managed to regain myself, act normal, and walk out of the room.

I thought it was only going to be a one-time thing. If anyone had told me that I'd be suffering from pornographomania, I prolly would have invited Remi over that day.

I stayed up really late at night just to feed my ardent desire with more obscene scenes. At the days went by, I tried to stop but I couldn't.
I was aware that I was digging into something abominable but I just couldn't quit, no matter how hard I tried.

I wasn't willing to stay up so late to study, but I was willing to watch people commit a dire sin. I spent hours watching those videos and I also had them downloaded in my phone, hidden where no one else would find them.

Gradually, my mental health was being tampered with by pornographomania. It was as a result of guilt and emptiness.

I found myself constantly blue and in search of peace. I wanted my old life back; when I didn't have to be controlled by sexual contents. When I didn't have to feel like I'd die if I didn't view a sexual activity for a whole day.

To worsen things, I couldn't concentrate in class or anywhere at all. Those images where all over my head. I was constantly thinking bad thoughts and deep down, I knew that if I wasn't saved, I'd begin to act on those thoughts; beyond watching pornography.

My grades in projects and homeworks started to diminish.

                         ***
"Something is going on with you and I don't understand why you won't tell me. Come on, Temi, tell me. Remember BFFR number two? Never keep things from each other."

All I could do was sob in his presence. I couldn't explain to him how much this thing was eating me up. I didn't want to get criticized.
"Come here," Remi said again and embraced me warmly. "It's okay. I'm always here for you, okay?"

I managed to steer clear off watching the videos for a while. I battled with the feeling for I didn't want to destroy myself.
Just when I thought "victory alas!" Some guy posted some immoral stuff on his timeline and I accidentally viewed it. Someone else posted a clip of the actual thing on his status and boom! I couldn't hold on any longer. I fell.
Who could save me from such wicked profanity!︵‿ヽ(°□° )ノ︵‿

⚘
⚘
⚘
⚘
⚘
⚘
⚘

       ⚘𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙇𝙀𝙓𝙄𝘾𝙊𝙂𝙍𝘼𝙋𝙃𝙔⚘
         *PORNOGRAPHOMANIA*

ΩA severe addiction towards pornography.

∆If anyone had told me that I'd be suffering from pornographomania...

::♥• MAKE A POST FROM THE JOURNAL CORNER ON YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA WITH A HASHTAG “TMIM”

»» #TMIM

::♥•F@Teimee