Ambivalent Passion

Can you see me?

The noise of horse's and cattle's hooves trotting quickly through the valley. I was in my room looking through my window waiting for my mother to call us for dinner. It was dusk and the sun was setting in the horizon. Everyone passing by looked hastened. I guess they were trying to get home to their families before nightfall. Horses with wagons of hay and carriages full of fruits and vegetables ready to be sold tomorrow in the villages' food market. It was rumored that a very wealthy Emperor was coming over to our state. Every time someone of such importance and wealth came to visit our progenitors warned us to be on our best behavior. The younger siblings were instructed to show complete respect to our superiors. I was never a fan of riches. To me? I was unimpressed. We were not poor, but surely we were not rich. My family and I never really struggled for food or shelter, my father made sure we always had a roof over our heads and food on the table. Both my brother and I were very grateful for the mother and father we were blessed with. Regardless of the matter they somehow always made ends meet. I guess you can say we were rich!

"Genevieve! Dinners ready!"

I immediately turned around, my back facing the window I had just been gazing through for quite some time. My mother's voice made my thoughts flash away in an instant. There stood my mother outside my bedroom door, cleaning her wet hands on her apron with a smile that can shine a thousand suns. Her eyes reflected the most pure of souls. I think my mother was one of the kindest human beings alive. She had sympathy for even the ruthless of villains. There was no room for hatred in her heart.

"Genevieve dinners served... Please hurry so it doesn't get cold honey".

"Yes mother I'll be there right away"

She gave me a quick smile and headed back to the kitchen. I glanced around my room, it was small and humble, but it was enough. I headed to the lavatory that was located right in between my brothers' room and mine. I quickly soaked my hands in an old pot filled with fresh water and dried them on the old cloth that hanged on a small hook on the rustic wall. Tomorrow would be a good day, Anthonio was finally coming back from his Warrior training. I haven't seen him in over a year and the ache in my heart was beginning to sting. I headed to our kitchen table. Mother, father and my older brother Kendrick were already sitting awaiting for me to join them. Both my father and brother were named Kendrick. My brother was named after my father so he was Kendrick Junior. At times it became quite confusing when someone called my father and my brother would answer. I smiled at my silly thoughts and walked over to the table and sat.

"I do not know what you do all day in that room of yours! don't you get bored of thinking so much" Kendrick expressed with a tone of amusement and a wild smile on his face".

I looked up at my brother who was sitting in front of me holding a meat loaf in his hand. So much for mannerism. He had none!

"Well at least I'm alone in thought unlike you who will soon become a father if you remain bringing girls over! At nightfall!"

"Genevieve!!!!" that is not ladylike!!" my mother replied, with wide open eyes while she blushed at my remark. My father almost chocked on his freshly squeezed orange juice. I quickly rejected what I had said.

"Forgive me mother" I replied.

My brother is 18 and he is allowed to bring as many maidens over at night as he desires. It's the legacy of the male race! It is not fair that men can do as they please and women had to succumb to it all! Women have no voice in society. We are seen as house maids, an instrument to procreate children, and to warm your husbands' bed. I think I will never agree to that. We are worth so much more than just that. If only we had a chance to prove how worthy and reliable we are. But there is no reasoning with the nobles. The rules were set firm and they had to be obeyed. Father spoke to me the other night and explained that I was coming of age to wed. I should wed the man of my choosing. He said I was allowed to pick my future husband. I knew exactly who I wanted to wed, Anthonio Larnach, my one true love. We have spoken many times of the day we become husband and wife. He would wait for me when I'm ready, he said. We've been courting for 2 years and we know our love is unbreakable and special in so many ways. Before Anthonio left for his warrior training in Scotland the year before he asked my father for my hand in marriage. He explained to my father that upon his return, he would like to proceed into the marriage ceremony. At the beginning my father was quite a bit baffled by the idea, given my young age but he approved. Antonio was the son of my fathers' best man. Antonio has been around our family since he was born. I guess you can say we grew up together. My parents love him dearly. As children he had a habit of making rude jokes about my teeth. He was older and had already lost all his baby teeth but I was still losing mines. He would make rude jokes about me until I ran crying into my front porch. He always chased after me and apologized. I always forgave him but eventually he ended doing it again, and again. As we grew older, him around 20 and I around 14, he started acting differently, he began saying sweet things. Like how pretty my dress was and that I had the most beautiful hazel eyes he'd ever seen. At first I was baffled, as I assumed it was another one of his not so funny jokes. But it wasn't, he really meant it. He kept on showing me a part of him I had never seen, and I guess I fell in love.