I didn't like being here. The whole trip was Caroline's idea, to get me away from the gloomy apartment that i shared with him.
The gorgeous weather and the screeching of the seagulls were just making me more upset. The apartment complex I resided in was beautiful and luxurious but it also didn't help in improving my mood. I was spiraling deeper into the depression pit. Many things happened this year that it was impossible to relax and just breathe.
It's funny though. Always, when it's nearing dawn, my thoughts drift to him. I mean, he's on my mind all the time but dawn is the time when my thoughts are completely stained with his voice. His eyes. Oh, those eyes. I used to call him a "hazel eyed daydream".
I had to go outside. I needed to think. And try to drive the thoughts away.
The beach was mere meters away. The horizon was a weird shade of pink and pale orange. I plopped down on the sand and took out my cigarettes. I lit one, and inhaled deeply. The toxic fumes I exhaled danced around me. A cooling breeze swept my hair. It wasn't too quiet. I liked that. A complete silence would ruin me. Car engines could be heard from the road. Those damned birds were screeching again.
I continued smoking and battling with my thoughts of him. They just wouldn't go away. With each passing minute they only got stronger. The memories joined them. It was too much.
Then I heard an engine. It was pretty loud so I guessed it wasn't a car. I turned around and saw a white expensive looking motorbike with black details. The man riding it was dressed in black. The helmet was a sparkly orange thing. The gloves were black as well. The man killed the engine and it was quiet again. He stepped off it, and proceeded to take off his helmet. That's when my senses started tingling. I was vibrating like a damned cellphone. When he took off the helmet all I could see was the dark hair tied in a low ponytail and the black scarf covering the lower part of his face. But it was the look he graced me with. I'd know those eyes anywhere. He stopped with his actions for a moment. I stopped breathing. He took off the scarf. It just couldn't be. I refused to believe my own eyes. My thoughts had somehow transported themselves into reality. That was him, standing beside the white motorbike and looking at me. I threw the bud away, and grabbed another cigarette from the box laying on the sand next to me. I lit it and inhaled even more deeply. Maybe if I ignored him he'll assume I was someone else and he'll go away. If I was only that lucky.
The footsteps on the wet sand were practically deafening to my ears. He stopped when he was standing next to me.
"I thought you said that you hated this wretched continent"
I closed my eyes and counted to 3.
1, 2, 3 ..
"Don't. It won't help you. I'm here. Therefore, I'm real"
I opened my eyes and slowly raised my head. He was looking almost ethereal in the pale light of the dawn. Few strands of his hair were hanging loosely on the sides of his face and his scent was delicious as usual. He sat next to me and gently took the lighter off my hand. He proceeded to light his cigarette in one swift and fluid motion. My cigarette was completely wasted now.
"What are you doing here?", my voice wasn't louder than a whisper.
He exhaled the thick smoke and smiled that angelic smile of his.
"Haha, that's my line. What are YOU doing here? I come here often in the past two years"
"Caroline's idea. I never wanted to come here", i muttered and threw the bud away.
He frowned, then shrugged and took a drag from his cigarette.
"Your aunt enjoys commanding people. Scary"
"Just like your current girlfriend", I retorted.
He laughed, but it was bitter.
"You're an expert on her now, huh? When did that happen?"
"When she took you away from me"
He was looking at me thoughtfully. Another drag.
"What was so bad, that your dear auntie planned a stress relief trip to Malibu beach?"
I refused to look him in the eyes.
"I'm shattering. That's all"
It was quiet for a few seconds.
"Did he fire you?", his voice was low.
"No"
"Then what?"
"I'm struggling with myself"
Another silence.
"Who's winning?"
"Not me. The one inside me"
I glanced at him. He was lighting another cigarette and looking at the growing light of the dawn.
"You're running away from her, aren't you?", I somehow knew.
He smirked.
"Not everything in my world revolves around her"
"When you're here it does"
"Not true"
Those hazel eyes were twinkling dangerously. Like when I really pushed his buttons.
"Why can't I get you off my head when it's nearing dawn?"
"Because you still love me"
I took another cigarette and grabbed the lighter off his hands.
"You got me"
"Don't I always?"
The screeching of the seagulls was louder now. They were waking up. So was I. I locked his gaze.
"When will you let me go?"
"Never. I like knowing you love me. You're the only girl that ever did", he grinned and threw away his cigarette. He got up and dusted his pants of the sand. I looked up. He was offering me his hand. I took it. The warmth of those calloused hands sent shivers all over me. Then he pulled me closer to him. My breath hitched and my heart was threatening to come out of my ribcage. He caressed my face with his warm hands and that's when I let the tears fall freely. I was strong for too long. As I cried he wiped the tears away and held my watery gaze with his hazel one. When I calmed down a little, he spoke. I wished he didn't.
"I'm too selfish to let you go, and you're too selfish to let me go. I won't ever truly walk away from you, nor will you. We had something special and unique. I made you feel things you never felt before and you had the same effect on me. But nothing lasts forever. Ours was simply too good to be true", he spoke softly, almost whispering.
I inhaled shakily. He traced my lips with his forefinger.
"You were my forest nymph. I loved you. I still care about you. Don't forget that, okay? But you must find a way to win the battle. Promise me that", his tone had changed now, like when he was telling me something of utmost importance.
I nodded and felt a fresh wave of tears.
The sun was beginning to rise. He was still tracing my trembling lower lip with his finger.
"I have to go now. Next time you plan on coming here, or someone else plans it for you, call me. I would like to have lunch with you. Or a drink. You make me feel important and loved. No one will love me like you did"
With that said he kissed me ever so softly, his lips lingering on mine for a few moments. I was shaking like a leaf after he pulled away. The scent of his skin on mine. The scent of his clothes lingered long in my nostrils. I turned around to see him put on the scarf, the helmet and the gloves. He turned on the engine and stopped for a moment. Behind the dark glass of the helmet, i felt his penetrating gaze he always had.
1, 2, 3 . . .
A roar of the bike, and he was gone.
