Can You Stand By Me?

Because love heals everything.....

"Come on, let's go home....." These are five simple words that typically offer solace and glee for Ilgaz. The idea of going home with his wife...the woman he calls his everything is more than enough to take the worries of his day away. More than enough to drown any overwhelming feelings of grief or pain.......more than enough to console him after his losses. For him though, it's not just what she says but how she says it: with that bright, big beautiful smile of hers. It's a powerful smile that often says: "I'm here and we're going to weather this storm together. I'm here and everything's going to be okay." This time, however, these five words are met with a sense of dread and uncertainty. With the tears in her eyes already enough to fill an ocean, Ilgaz knows that this may not be another day where they weather the storm but the day the storm finally destroys the love and trust they've built. He knows that this likely isn't another day where she consoles him after one of his losses but the day where he finally suffers his greatest loss: her. 

It's now been 30 minutes and the drive to their newly rented home resembles the aura of the past two days: one of silence, fear, and ambivalence. For Ceylin, her continued silence and fear lie in the question she knows she must ask. A question that will likely allow them to weather this new storm or put an end to the life she imagined with him. One she began to envision on that very day he took her headphones in his hands and carefully detangled them. Almost as if he was silently telling her that he knows her life is becoming more and more confusing by the minute but that he was willing to stand by her and help her untangle every existing along with every new source of pain, loss, and betrayal. Unbeknownst to them both at that time, however, their biggest source of pain, loss, and betrayal would once again come from the people nearest to them. The people one has always called 'family' and the other now beginning to accept as her own.

A few minutes later, they finally arrive at their home. Both knowing that their dreams may end at the very place they were supposed to begin, their every footstep starts to become more slowed... heavier as they inch closer to their doorway. With only three steps left... the first, carries their dream of a peaceful vacation in Ilgaz's caravan; the second, their dreams of starting a family; and the last, their dreams of spending eternity together. Now entering the door, they choose to leave these dreams behind... hoping that this may make the other's impending decision easier to swallow.

As they turn to face each other, fear and expectations of the worse are visible in even the slightest microexpression.

"This is yours," says Ceylin as she dangles the house key...his house key in front of him. She has a tearful gaze but her demeanor is slightly cold. This demeanor, however, is not one rooted in hatred but a direct result of her already hardening her heart to the idea that she'll once again be left alone. That this time, he'll leave just like everyone else.

Once certain that his whole life...their life together will come to an end the minute she finds out the truth, Ilgaz takes a minute to accept that the events unfolding before him are not a dream. You see... he was so sure that she would detest him. He was so sure that she would once again be unwilling to carry the name of a family who has now sinned in an even greater capacity against her own. For the very moment he found the strength to walk out of that warehouse a few days ago was the moment that he understood and accepted that her heart may no longer be able to beat for the man who carries the same blood as her father's killer. It was the moment he understood and accepted that she may no longer be able to take the hand of another Kaya into hers. It's why he paused to ask if she was sure. If she was certain in her belief that she'll still be able to stand by him...deep down knowing that there's nothing that he wanted more than to gleefully take those keys into his hand and embrace her.

"I don't know, Ilgaz...there's something I want to ask...something I NEED to ask you, Ilgaz," says Ceylin. "Your answer will shape our whole lives. It will determine if we can build a future together in this home or if we must bury all of those dreams here...our dreams. For me, it's like a matter of life and death.... you have to make a decision," she says before swallowing back the lump in her strength and asking the frightful question.