Unhinged

Unhinged

By: Erin Sevigny

I see his eyes every day. His emerald green eyes, staring at me. You know, I might as well get rid of that damn mirror. Sometimes I just lay alone and pretend he's not there. He mocks me. They all just mock me. Joey, he was only six when he went. He drowned, it was an accident. But he visits me often. Mother can't see him. She can't see Kali either. But I didn't tell her about Joey. She can't know!

I've been awake for hours. It's 3:00 am, and Lydia's watching me as I lay awake. "Pathetic, you're pathetic. Can't even sleep, stupid Eleanore!" She always does that. Calls me "pathetic", or "insane." But I'm perfectly normal! When I fall asleep I know she didn't leave. Every morning I wake to her sitting on my bed. When I open my eyes she's sitting, her legs crosses. "Forgive me Eleanore, don't be mad, I didn't mean it!" "It's okay Kali!" I respond.

I get up and walk to my mirror. Joey, his cold eyes bore into me. I always feel regret when I see the echo of his eyes, me. I throw a sheet over the mirror and disappear into my backyard. Joey runs up behind me, "Eleanore" he calls, but then he's gone. His voice continues to ring in my ears. "Eli, can I come inside?" "Eli, the waters cold!" "Eli, Eleanore!' "No!" I scream "leave me alone!" I run through the gate. Running fast I scream to block out his voice. "Eli, please don't leave me! Where are you going?" Words, it's just words. Just empty memories.

Before I know it I'm leaning over the creek at the park. I see myself and shudder. My straight light brown hair skims the water. I stare into my once warm green eyes, turned cold. I look up and see Kali. "This is the place, it's our place!" But she can't say that. Joey died here. "We did this Eleanore" Kali whispers now sitting next to me. I had no part in Joey's death! He wasn't pushed! "Remember?" She echoes walking away. I close my eyes and see Joey, "Eli, what's wrong?" I open my eyes fast, it can't be real!

I get up and walk home, when I open the door my mom sighs and grabs my arm. "Eleanore, where have you been?" I start to answer when she cuts me off "never mind, we're late for therapy!" We pull into the parking lot of "Sunrise Health and Therapy". Every Sunday I come here, but still, nothing's wrong with me. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, but they're all wrong!

We walk and and a nurse greets my mother "Oh grace, good afternoon!" She ushers me forward into Dr. Reed's office. He's one of those rich, therapist types! He thinks he knows me, he doesn't even understand my life! "Oh Eleanore, you're here." He calls from his chair. "Is Kali with us today?" He's acting like she's a ghost. "No, she stayed home." I walk in and sit on the edge of his fancy "therapist" couch. "How are you?" He asks as he skims over some papers. The first of many questions "good, I guess", I mumble. He offers me one of those candy's grandma's always have in their purses, but I decline.

"Can we just get this over with?" But he persists "Eleanore, remember, you can tell me anything." But I can't, that when Kali walks in. "You can't trust him", she whispers sitting on the couch beside me. "No", I mumble "no, I can't do this!" I say louder than before. Kali leans over, "then leave!" I stand up and walk out the door, slamming it behind me. I take a deep breath and step out into the waiting room. "We're done, Dr. Reed says I'm doing well!" Fake smiling my mother and I walk out of the building.

When we're settled in the car my mom turns on the radio. "That wasn't too bad, right? It was quick", my mom says. "Yeah, sure was" I sigh. I stare out the window and Kali pus her hand on my arm "quick huh?" "Shut up" I shout in Kali's direction. My mom looks back at me confused "excuse me?" "Nothing", I respond automatically!

When we pull into the driveway I get out of the car and look at my mom "I'm going for a walk", she nods and goes inside. I cross through my backyard and onto the path that leads to the park. When I reach the field I see a boy from my school. Before I can turn away he's walking fast in my direction. "Eleanore, is that you?" I start to turn away when he continues. "You know, I saw you by the creek earlier today, you were talking to yourself, you're insane! The minute the words came out of his mouth my hand was raised and I slap him! Stunned, he draws himself back. He puts his hands to his bleeding nose and runs away from me. Did I just do that?

Confused I walk and sit down on a rock by the creek. I take off my shoes and put my feet in the water. Why does everyone think I'm insane? "Because you are", Kali calls from the opposite side of the creek. I take my feet out of the water and just lay in the mud. What's the point? My mother doesn't care. If I left nobody would even second guess it! I could leave, runaway from Joey memory. "Eli", I hear joeys voice in my head. "Eli", why? "Eleanore, where are you?" I just lay there in the mud, words drowning me. Kali walks towards me, "Eleanore, I know your secret" "I didn't do anything" I scream! I close my eyes and the memories come.

I'm standing by the creek, Joey's hand in mine. Kali wanders over and places her cold hand on my shoulder. "Eleanore imagine how much more your mother would love you if Joey was gone." I shiver under her grasp. "You could push him, make him disappear", "no", I mutter. "It'd be fun, everything would go back to normal, and your mother would actually love you!" I shiver as she speaks quietly to only me. "I, I could, b-but I won't!" I can't let Joey die, I love him! "She'd love you", and then I break. Losing my grip I push Joey into the cold early spring water. Struggling in the current he screams! "Eleanore, stop, Eli the water cold!"

Tears stream down my face as his body goes limp. I did that, but, no, it was me. I open my eyes and hug my knees. I remember. "No, I wouldn't, I could never", I scream in the wind! I feel Joey's hand on my shoulder. "Eli, you're insane!"