Before I fall

Chapter 3 : My Life

Ivanna

"Ivy, are you stupid or something? Trying to get the attention of some imbecile, are you insane?" I yelled at my sister as we walked home. My little sister just grumbled under her breath and we fell into an uncomfortable silence.

There was a small ball of guilt settling in my gut. It felt... unfair to take out my frustrations on her. It wasn't like she caused everything wrong in my life. But I was so tired of being so much more than her sister; tired of being her parents, friends, teacher... everything. I was always the one running around keeping her in line because the very second she slipped up, it all came back to me. Always my fault. I was so tired of being the older and mature one, and I felt held back from doing everything I wanted to do. I wanted to hang out with friends, I wanted to sing and dance, I wanted to be as carefree as I was before Ivy was there. I wanted to be me, a dumb teenager, not a babysitter. Was that too much to ask for?

We reached our house, uninterrupted in the dark night. I rushed to the dining table, only to see Dad sitting there with a grim look on his face. I sat in front of him, staring at his exhausted scowl and found I didn't know what to say. Asking about his day felt cliché; asking if he was alright felt like accusing him. My mouth was shut. I stared at my nails, avoiding his eyes.

Mom walked in. "So... how was work, honey?" She asked, walking up to Dad.

Definitely not great, if his face was anything to go by. I was ready to leave if this became one of those "the adults need to talk" conversations. But he quickly smiled and said that, "it was fine". Ivy burst in with her radiant energy, practically brightening the room. "Hey! I'm hungry, and so are you guys, so how about we eat the sorrows away!" She exclaimed, pulling a laugh from Dad. I had a twinge of jealousy in my gut at the sound. We ate the food until we were too tired of each other to even smile.

I collapsed onto the bed in "my" room. I had no interest in closing my eyes, and I found myself scrolling through my phone. I put on like My Father by Jax and started singing along, feeling my chest vibrate as I let the words dance in the air, like fairies. And I started feeling hope again.

Ivy slammed the door open, joking that my voice was rather beautiful. We decided that the best decision would be to have an impromptu pillow fight. We fell back onto the bed, laughing.

"It really is nice, though," she said, big eyes staring at me.

I blushed. "Thanks," I said, looking away. "You can go now."

"Alrighty. See ya."

And she was gone. And a string inside of me was pulled taunt, and I felt a strong urge to call out her name. And it felt like it was going to snap.

I heard her door shut. And the string loosened again. I can't be dependent. I just can't show that side.

I don't need anyone.