I Am Undeniably Whipped For You

Guilty

Yoo Joonghyuk  cupped Kim Dokja ’s face, resting his forehead on Kim Dokja ’s. “I only wish for this eyes to see again.” He said, closing his eyes.

Kim Dokja  hummed and chuckled. Kim Dokja  lost his sight when he was nine years old as a result of his abusive father, who is no longer a part of his life.

He was blessed with wonderful parents, Persephone and Hades, who have raised him since he was adopted. He was adored, and he was adored even more by his husband, Yoo Joonghyuk .

Kim Dokja  grabbed Yoo Joonghyuk ’s arm. Kim Dokja  noticed that his breath was becoming short. It appeared as if Yoo Joonghyuk  was about to cry.

Kim Dokja  took a deep breath and smiled softly. “And I only wish to see you.” He whispered back,placing his lips gently on Yoo Joonghyuk ’s

Kim Dokja  felt him stiffen before closing his eyes and savouring Kim Dokja ’s lips.

With a smile on their faces, they parted ways. “I want you to be the first person I see after the surgery,” Kim Dokja  said lightly, and Yoo Joonghyuk  responded with a nod.

Yoo Joonghyuk ’s hands were trembling and his eyes were tightly closed, as if he was fighting the urge to cry.

Kim Dokja  left for the hospital two weeks later. He would be admitted to the hospital for two days to be monitored before his surgery.

Yoo Joonghyuk  was nowhere to be found within two days, with only Kim Dokja ’s parents and close friends seen walking in and out of his ward.

“Is he coming?” Kim Dokja  mumbled as he sipped from the glass of water handed to him by his mother.

“He will, Dokja-yah; he has always been by your side.” Persephone’s hands caressed Kim Dokja ’s face.

Kim Dokja  simply hummed in response. Even though it had only been two days, he missed his husband. He was concerned about Yoo Joonghyuk ’s well-being.

“Are you ready, patient Kim Dokja?” The doctor walked in with the Kim Dokja s report in his hand.

Kim Dokja  took his time responding with a nod, deciding it was for the best. He finally found someone who was willing to donate their eyes for him, and when he heard the news from his parents, he burst into tears and his husband had the brightest smile on his face.

He expected Yoo Joonghyuk  to lead him into the operating room, and he expected his husband’s hand to be around his shoulder, reassuring him, but all he felt was emptiness.

“Hyuk-ah....” Kim Dokja  grumbled to himself.

_________________

As Kim Dokja  sat on the bed with his eyes bandaged, waiting for Yoo Joonghyuk  to be the first person he saw, the surgery was a success.

“My son, who do you want to see first?” While ruffling Kim Dokja ’s hair, Hades, who stood by his side, decided to speak out loud.

“My husband...is he here?” Kim Dokja  responded, tightening his grip on the blanket.

Nobody responded. The room fell silent as Kim Dokja  nodded his head, knowing damn well Yoo Joonghyuk  wasn’t.

“We’ll remove the bandage now, and you’ll be able to see the world again. However, you must remain for a week in order for us to monitor you.” As the doctor slowly unwrapped the bandage, they said.

Kim Dokja ’s eyes fluttered open slowly, his eyelashes batting as he adjusted to the brightest of the lights. The white walls greeted him, the brown couch on his right sat motionless, and the red splotches on the blanket that covered him. And there stood a woman and a man, Kim Dokja ’s parents, crying.

“Father? Mother?” Kim Dokja ’s voice cracked as he looked at them.

Kim Dokja  quickly burst into tears. Then there was a horrible sobbing, followed by sniffs.

His parents didn’t waste any time in hugging their beloved son.

“It’s us, son, your family.” Persephone clutched Kim Dokja ’s hand tightly in hers.

Kim Dokja  finally stopped sobbing and looked around the room after a few minutes.

“Has Yoo Joonghyuk arrived?” Kim Dokja  let his gaze wander, hoping to catch a glimpse of his husband.

“Dokja-yah, promise me you won’t hate yourself after we say this,” Hades said softly and distantly.

Kim Dokja  narrowed his eyes suspiciously, his hands trembling as he tried to maintain his cool.

“What...tell me what it’s about first,” Kim Dokja  said firmly.

“Your husband, my son-in-law, Yoo Joonghyuk, was the one who suggested this surgery,” Hades squeezed Kim Dokja ’s hand reassuringly before continuing.

Kim Dokja  kept his head down low as he listened to his father.

“He never told you about his illness; he wanted to keep it a secret from you,” Hades said as he felt Kim Dokja ’s hand shudder in his grip.

“He was never going to survive,” Hades said as his own wife turned away. She, too, was resisting the urge to cry.

Kim Dokja ’s body shook as tears dipped down his cheeks, soaking the blanket.

“He loved-no loves you so much, Dokja-yah, that he would do anything for you. He was the one who donated you his eyes.”

Numb. He was numb. He knew he was still praying that it was all a nightmare when he lost consciousness in the same hospital he was in. And if it wasn’t, it was a terrible prank from his parents. He’d be more accepting of it.

But when Kim Dokja  awoke in a hospital ward, his face dry with tears and his mother standing right beside him, the truth smacked him in the face even harder.

All he could do was accept his mother’s embrace, cry against her shoulders, and repeatedly mumble “Joonghyuk.”

__________________

He wasn’t crying anymore when he got home.

He was just standing there, passively listening to the news and not crying. Kim Dokja  had just arrived, but his heart and mind were not.

“Hyuk-ah, what’s the point of having your eyes if you’re not here?” Kim Dokja  said softly, closing his eyes and leaning against the sofa.

He refused to look in the mirror, he refused to cry when he looked into his husband’s eyes, and he refused to accept his husband’s death.

He would not have asked to see the world again if it had cost him this much. He’d rather to see for the rest of his life. Yoo Joonghyuk ’s presence by his side was no longer present now that he was gone.

_________________

Inside the funeral hall, everyone was watching Kim Dokja  sit in the front seat. People who came to greet him or bow when they saw him.

But, above all, they expressed their sympathy for Kim Dokja , who was staring into space in front of Yoo Joonghyuk ’s coffin. Kim Dokja  refused to speak to anyone about his husband’s death, but he was polite to those who expressed their condolences to him.

With a small, forced smile on his face, Kim Dokja  would shake the hands of those greeting him.

As time passed, Kim Dokja  was left alone, staring down his husband’s coffin.

He wanted to puke his eyes out. He never wished it. All he wanted was to see his husband’s face again, never the death of a loved one.

A vivid memory of his wedding day flashed through his mind.

“It’s waltz time, Dokja-yah,” Yoo Joonghyuk  purred as he firmly gripped Kim Dokja ’s hand in his.

“But I’m not sure how to dance. Kim Dokja  said, coming to a halt. But Yoo Joonghyuk  refused to budge.

He tightened his grip on Kim Dokja ’s hands and dragged him up to the carved wood dancefloor.

“I got you.” Yoo Joonghyuk  murmured as he drew Kim Dokja  closer to his body. As he did so, Yoo Joonghyuk ’s hand moved to Kim Dokja ’s waist.

Yoo Joonghyuk  gently lifted Kim Dokja ’s hand and placed it on his shoulder, where it rested comfortably. He intertwined the other with his, making sure his finger filled the space between Kim Dokja ’s fingers.

“Take a step on me.” He said this while looking lovingly at Kim Dokja ’s face.

“What? Are you certain?” Kim Dokja  asked.

“Yes.” Yoo Joonghyuk  said, staring at Kim Dokja ’s feet. Kim Dokja  slowly placed it on top of his leather shoes, and Yoo Joonghyuk  smiled.

If it meant making Kim Dokja  happy, Yoo Joonghyuk  would let Kim Dokja  ruin everything, including his expensive leather shoes.

Yoo Joonghyuk  swayed Kim Dokja ’s body together, carrying Kim Dokja ’s weight with his own, and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he gazed at Kim Dokja ’s lovely face.

Yoo Joonghyuk  swayed and twirled Kim Dokja  around before continuing, “Today I finally labelled you as my husband, it was my only wish to put ring on your beautiful finger.”

Kim Dokja  slowly put his hands up and wrapped the black cloth around his eyes, carefully tying it. Kim Dokja  heard his sobs grow louder as the breeze blew onto him. He could feel his own tears even though his eyes were covered with cloth.

Not now that Kim Dokja  could see. He was relieved.


Kim Dokja  put down his hands and he let his screams go. A scream for pain. A scream of agony. A scream for Yoo Joonghyuk . It was all accompanied by tears.


He sobbed and sobbed. He never wished for anything like this to happen. He never wanted anything like this.

All he wanted was Yoo Joonghyuk  by his side.

He remembered when they promised to be together until death parted them on the altar. Now that the promise had been broken, Yoo Joonghyuk  had left him.

Why didn’t Yoo Joonghyuk  tell him he was suffering? Kim Dokja  has always been cared for by him, Yoo Joonghyuk  never took a care of himself.

“How am I supposed to live now, Joonghyuk-ah?” He knelt on his knees as rain poured down, soaking him and hiding his tears with the droplets.

“I need you”