spring secrets | dnf

13- I Knew

This chapter deals with body image issues. readers, please stay cautious.

george

I wake up to the bright light pouring in through the window. The sun was painting a canvas of golds and whites all over the room, lighting it up so perfectly.

It landed on Dream's face, just below his eyes. If he were to move, he'd probably wake up from the brightness alone.

I look over at the time and read that it's nearly nine in the morning. It was still early.

I turned onto my back and kept my focus on the things around me. The small breeze that slipped through the open window, the sound of Dream's small snores, the feel of his sheets on my skin. The senses were something I always found fascinating. We depend on them so much.

After another ten-ish minutes, I notice that the snoring has suddenly stopped. I turn my head over and see Dream's eyes slightly opened and a small grin on his face.

"Hi." He greets.

"Hi." I smile.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks, clearing his throat in hopes that he clears the morning voice he has (which I claim is attractive but he thinks otherwise.)

"Nothing."

"You've got to be thinking about something." Dream rests his head on his hand as he looked at me. I loved the mornings.

"What?" I laugh, "I'm thinking about everything and nothing at all."

"That's ambiguous."

"I'm thinking about our senses." I say, mimicking the exact position he's in. It is oddly comfortable. "Like our sight and our hearing and our smell— it's all important."

He stares at me for a minute longer before he grabs me and pulls me towards him. I laugh and move the long strands of hair from his face.

"You confuse me sometimes." He whispers, moving his hands to my jaw.

It's funny. I feel as if Dream knew what I like before even I knew what I liked. I didn't know I liked to be touched. I didn't know I liked to be held. I didn't know I liked physical attention at all. But he knew I did somehow.

"Do I?"

"Your brain is filled with a bunch of wisdom, George."

"I'm aware." I joke cockily, laughing at my false confidence.

"Oh, you're aware now?"

We both stare at each other before I grab his face and press his lips onto mine, a surprised gasp leaving him.

He pulls away only to flip us around so he's above me before crashing back down onto me. I smile against the kiss and reach up to clump his loose shirt into my fists.

His hands trail down and reach around my waist, his lips traveling down to my neck. I quickly place my hands on top of his and try to trail them back up, not wanting to stop this but also not comfortable with him seeing me yet. It was dumb, stupid really.

"Hey—" Dream whisper, moving his hands away and reaching up to wipe away tears I didn't know were there, "we can stop."

He repeats this over and over again until I eventually sit up and wipe my own tears.

"I'm sorry." I apologize, trying to reach over and kiss him again but he pulls away, keeping his eyes on me the whole time.

"What's going on?" He asks, concern everywhere on his face. It was impossible to hide.

"Nothing." I push it away. "It wasn't you."

"If you aren't comfortable, George, just tell me and I'll stop, okay?" I nod my head and look away.

"Okay."

I still felt the phantom feeling of hands on my waist. I still felt the tears rim my eyes. I still felt that panic.

I still felt his eyes on me as I sat there. I still felt his growing concern. I still felt every piece of him.

"I'm going to shower.." I mumble, grabbing loose clothing, not giving a damn if it was his or mine.

"Okay."

As I make my way into the bathroom, I catch a glance at him. His eyes still were on me. I give him a small smile before slipping into the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror for a while before slowly taking off my shirt. I looked disgusting.

It wasn't the fact that I seen myself as "too fat" or anything. I was just so used of eating too little that I'm naturally just frail. I used to get bullied about it in school and it eventually got to my head that I needed to build myself up a little. I started joining sports and weight activities in hopes I'd reach triple digits. When I did, none of it seemed worth it and I quit sports all together.

Now, I'm sat in front of the mirror looking at my shirtless body pitifully.

I know Dream would never laugh at me. I know he'd call me beautiful over and over again until even I believed that I was pleasing him. I know that it would be bliss with him.

But that doesn't make everything better.

As soon as I'm done with my shower, I put on my clothes and dry my hair with the towel. There's a knock on the door and,the next thing I know, Dream walks in. The smile on his face instantly made me smile too. I welcomed his touch as he wrapped his arms around me. He rested his chin on my shoulder and looked straight ahead into the fogged mirror.

"Are you okay?" He asks, looking up at me. I nod my head and smile.

"Yeah." I reach up and rest my hand on top of his, "don't feel bad. It's not your fault."

He's quiet for a minute.

"Yeah, but I never want you to feel bad about yourself." He kisses the nape of my neck, "because you deserve to be reminded that you're the complete opposite of bad. You're stunning, George."

I smile and feel myself blush.

I knew it.