Legolas self-insert throwaway fanfic (My Love, My Heart)

Chapter 1: The Beginning

(Fair warning: some gore, and I can't really spell 100% amazingly) 

  I wake up, slowly but surely, there's something wrong with the environment, as I open my eyes, I feel a warm gust of wind and hear birds chirping in the air, the sound and feel of grass and water lapping at the bank. I slowly sat up holding my head as a pounding headache ensued. Slowly standing, I checked my surroundings, trees lined the small clearing, and brush grew around me, turning I found a waterfall feeding a crystal-clear pond. Realizing how sweaty I am I stepped into the cool water, as I dipped in a strange sensation hit me, I looked down in shock then inspected my body, I was indeed male now this confused me as I'd fallen asleep female. I gawked at my good fortune and felt my body in disbelief, feeling my now long and apparently dark black hair and jumping around with happiness, after bathing I looked around for clothes.

"There's gotta be some clothes somewhere." I thought as I searched; finally discovering some clothes hidden between rocks, it took a while, but I figured it out, it was a tunic, basically a dress that went to my knees and a sash tied around the waist there was also another strip of cloth with the outfit, but I just tied it around my wrist. My damp hair fell to my waist and was now partially dry, I began to walk the forest "Where in the nine levels of hell, am I?" I half-muttered, half-loudly grumbled to myself as my bare feet crunched leaves and twigs. A canopy of branches soon formed above me blocking almost all sunlight as I exited the clearing, I leaned against a tree in the now cooling forest, I guessed that the sun was setting, and I needed to find shelter before long, I played with strands of my hair and marveled at my own hands, my skin was now tanned and I was muscular and tall, this made everything seem strange.

"Wow...." I whispered as my cold fingers grazed a strong jaw, high cheekbones, and other elegant features, but started at the sound of deep gruff voices coming from my right all grumbling that I couldn't hear, along with metal beating on stone every few seconds, I silently clambered up my tree, walking to the end of the branch as far as I could and reaching for the next one, continuing for a while until I saw the source of the noise. I gasped almost falling out of the tree in surprise I recognized those dwarves and one hobbit, "This can't be real..." I continued to look in amazement at the fictional, or now non-fictional characters that I'd seen on a TV screen my whole life were not thirty feet from me and all I could do was stare and stand there. Suddenly one of them turned, making eye contact with me, I was so surprised I lost balance, falling about ten feet to the ground, groaning in pain I rolled to my side to find swords in my face.

"Damn for how short ya'll are you move really fuckin' fast." I spat out sarcastically, still unused to the sound of my own voice, I laid on my back and grunted as a foot contacted my now flat chest with a soft thump and cold steel pressed to my throat.

"Who are you and why have you been watching us!" A rough Scottish-sounding voice growled harshly, my eyes darted around looking to place the face that had spoken, after a moment I spoke.

"It... would be hard.... to tell you.... in my current position." I rasped out feeling the weight of the foot crushing my ribcage slowly and collapsing my lungs. An argument among the rest of the band occurred and gruff murmurs could be heard among them, the foot was removed leaving a slight mark on the tunic I wore and, slowly I sat up brushing the dirt off me and breathing freely again. "I don't know how or why I'm here." I finally sighed out afraid of these guys but trying to not to show it.

"Suspicious circumstances have not led us to fortunate outcomes." Their leader scowled, I sucked in a breath, this guy was even more epic in person.

"Thorin..." I whispered, almost inaudibly Bilbo, a hobbit who was right beside me whirled his head around to me. Hours later I was now leaning against a random nearby tree, I caught the hobbit and even a few dwarves stealing glances at me, but I didn't make eye contact for more than two seconds. "You wouldn't understand how but I know your names and why you are here, you should check where the sun is though." I said casually looking at the ground, silence ensued, and I could feel their eyes on me, I turned my head to meet their stares.