I Don't Belong Here

When Steve finally woke, it was to blinding sunlight streaming through the windows. He blinked his eyes open to the harsh light and quickly turned his head into the pillow with a groan, eyes squeezed shut. After a few moments he finally opened his eyes to see the grey walls of the bedroom.

With a put upon sigh, Steve heaved himself onto the side of his bed and sat with his shoulders hunched over. Looking at his clothes strewn on the floor from his haste to climb into bed last night, Steve mentally prepared himself for the morning.

Glancing to the right and seeing his alarm clock mockingly present the time of 7:46, Steve released yet another groan and finally stood from the comfort and warmth of his bed.

A quick shower and change of clothes has Steve feeling less tired than before. Trudging to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast for himself, his feet shuffled on carpet until they finally hit cold linoleum.

Instantly heading in the direction of the coffee maker, Steve grabbed the coffee jar and held it under the tap. Still groggy, and admittedly grumpy, from waking from his warm sleep, He went through the process of making his morning cup of brew with deft hands. Once he had a steaming mug of coffee in his rapidly cooling hands, he felt his shoulders untense and his posture slacken.

Tony always likes to joke that he is a bear in the mornings without his coffee. And Steve has to some what begrudgingly agree with the man. 6 years of waking up to run extensive drills, clean gear, and loading up before Apollo could ride his chariot across the sky certainly did not make Steve Rodgers a morning person.

However, Steve finds the mornings much more bearable when his family is home. Opposite of days like today when Tony is at SI doing what billionaires do in their glass castles and Peter at school, who is in his final year at midtown and set to graduate next May.

Steve often fills his time with the other Avengers at the tower or with missions from Shield when his boys are away. However, both the Avengers and Shield held a meeting without his knowledge that Steve is "overworked" and "deserves a break." And so began his reluctant sabbatical where he was "heavily encouraged" to take some time for himself for a change.

So Steve often just feels lonely and tries to make himself busy until Tony and Peter come home. Steve can't help but to think himself as a dolled up house wife.

Deciding that he's not that hungry, Steve resolves to spend his morning reading the paper and munching on toast. Reading the paper, Steve has found, is a great way to keep up with now while also learning about then. Seventy so years in the ice has made him feel like a time traveler walking among a diffrent world. The daily news was the only thing that made him feel closer to this time period and the people in it. Thinking about the war, his family and...god Pegs, he only ever felt loss and heartbreak. He isn't ever sure he could make it to the other stages of grief if he still hasn't gotten through the first.

And don't get him wrong, Steve loved his boys and would do anything for them in a heartbeat. Both Tony and Peter are the reason he is still fighting the good fight. But on more than one occasion he would look out into the city and remember Brooklyn in the 40s.

When him and Buck would walk home from school the long way to avoid the bullies from school. His mother, with her Irish lit, telling him, "A strong heart will take you further than any physical strength. A strong heart means you'll never quit." while working herself to the bone after his father passed. And going to the edge of the city at night, just to see the galaxy of stars that were hidden by Brooklyn's street lights.

Nostalgia has been Steve's best friend and worst enemy since being freed from the ice. And he can't help but find anything he can that reminds him of his lost home.