Tell me, my dear, does the heart still beat once it's been broken.
She cries at your feet. You can feel her hot tears roll down your stomach. You don't know what to do. How to comfort her. She has always been the strong one. She always knew what to say, what to do, to comfort or lift your spirits. This is new territory. Do you touch her or just watch and let her cry? Do you pull her into a hug or just leave her be? The not knowing hurts. Like a spec of light in the dark.
She has always been strong. You have never seen her accept defeat, to show weakness, to be weak in front of you. Now, here you are, only wishing, that once, just once she did. Because if she had, you would know what to do, to help her.
You know she feels regret and despair for herself. For what she has done. Is this it? Is this how it ends? No, you don't want to believe it. You won't allow it.
You bring your hands down to wrap around her arms and give a gentle tug. Allowing her the same courtesy, she gave you not to long ago. You don't want to force her if she is not ready, not willing, unsure.
It slightly unnerves you that the love you are still willing to give after every thing she has done. But you know, you know that if the situation was reversed she would do the same. Because despite everything you still love her. You know how fear can affect someone, how it can turn you into someone unrecognizable, how it can turn you against yourself.
So, you tug. You tug on her arms one last time. Yet she doesn't make to move. You feel as if you have your answer. Just as you are to remove your hands from her, she stands up and wraps her arms so tightly around you, squeezing the air from your lungs. Like a long, lost, lone survivor, to afraid to let go of that last shred of humanity, sanity, for fear of what losing them could do to you.
She sobs into your neck. The pressure of her hug never relenting. You wrap your arms around her. Sensing that this is the best action to do for her. Rubbing, soft, soothing, circles on her back.
Whispering shh's and comforting words. Not wanting to give her false reality. Not wanting to tell her it will be ok, when it very well might not be. Especially in the state she is now. The fear that you could damage her worse, keeps these words at bay.
After, what you swear is an eternity, the sobs become restless, turning into whimpers. She lifts her head up and looks in to your eyes. For the first time since you have known her she lets you see everything. All of her. Her pain, hurt, trust issues, happiness and just, her. A long lost girl, who has finally found a family, a home, with you.
As you listen to her heart beat as you succumb to sleep, you wonder.
You wonder that maybe her heart isn't as damaged, as cracked, as ruined as she perceives it to be.
And your heart beats. It beats because maybe, just maybe, its not as broken as you believe.
