Uncover • Huang Renjun

26.

"How can I ever face her... face myself?" Jungwoo mumbled as he sat by Eunbi's bedside with his face in his hands.

"Jungwoo..."

At the sound of the faint voice, Jungwoo raised his head. He watched as Eunbi's fingers stirred and slowly her eyelids fluttered open. 

"Mom? You are awake!"

"Jungwoo?"

"Thank god!! You are finally awake! I was so scared!"

"Have you been crying?"

"What? No... I mean yes...  sort of but like-" Jungwoo sighed in defeat. "I messed up mom. I messed up so bad... I-"

Jungwoo couldn't continue as tears welled up in his eyes. "Bomin... h-he got shot. He got shot mom... t-there was blood... so much blood... And Jieun... she too had cuts. She was bleeding... they tortured her. I didn't want things to end up like this mom, really."

"Calm down first. You are not making any sense. What- what happened? What did you do?"

"I-" Jungwoo hid his face in Eunbi's arms. "That woman... she told me that if I helped her, it would take Jieun and Jisung out of our lives. I did it for us mom, I did it for you and dad. But I didn't know- I didn't mean for any of this to happen mom. I just wanted to protect our family. I swear, I didn't want any of this!"

Eunbi's eyes too started becoming moist seeing her son break down in front of her. Her heart ached not only from seeing her son in pain but also from thinking about the secret that she knew she had to share and which would break her son's heart all over again. She reached out her hands lovingly and Jungwoo melted into her hug like a kid, finding comfort and warmth.

"Jungwoo-ah it's okay. I know you aren't bad at heart."

"B-but I gave them information on Jieun. And her f-friends too... Bomin getting shot.... it's all my fault mom, why did I do that! Maybe you getting shot is payback for what happened with Bomin... I'm the worst... I'm pathetic! This is all because of me!" Jungwoo ranted while clutching his hair harshly.

"I don't agree." Jungwoo raises his head startled, wide eyes searching for lies or judgement in his mother's words. "What?"

Eunbi gave a small smile. "True, you deliberately let Jieun get in danger. True, you let her friends get involved. But Bomin and me getting shot because of you? Wrong. That is all on their hands and not yours. The son I know, is harsh with his words and actions but is pure at heart."

"You don't know what I have done that's why you are saying that."

"What I do know is this, that you are regretting your decision and feeling extremely guilty. It shows that you acknowledge your mistake. Also, I know for sure you would never truly wish to hurt the Park siblings. No matter how much hate and anger you claim to feel for them."

"Mom-"

"Let me finish son. You were the happiest child in the world when you met those two. Were you not?"

"Yes but-"

"But that was before you heard things and made conclusions of your own. I know. I know you are blaming yourself but the way I see it, everything that you have done isn't because you are a bad person Jungwoo... you just let your emotions get the best of you. At the end of the day, you too are hurt and in pain. The fact that you are in tears right now, shows that you care son. Don't be so hard on yourself, Jungwoo-ah. Allow yourself to see that had you been bad at heart, you wouldn't be carrying the guilt of your actions all this while."

"No mom, you don't understand... I wanted her and Jisung out of our lives. I hated seeing them so much that I traded their safety for ours without even thinking twice. I-I feel so disgusted with myself-"