Dancing on Eggshells | KSJ

11

LUCIA IS BURNING with rage and indignation that Seokjin struggles to calm in her moonlit chambers.

"I told him to treat Tahani better than the moon and this is what he does? Walks out on her?" Lucia grits out behind aching, clenched teeth.

"I know, I know. It isn't fair to Tahani," Seokjin begins to try and soothe, only for Lucia to shoot a piercing glare at him.

"Isn't fair? It's an outright crime- an injustice at that! He was tasked with taking care of her and making her smile and his solution is to what? Tell me Seokjin, tell me what his solution is," Lucia's voice trembles with uncontainable rage and Seokjin can do nothing but sigh and answer.

"He walked out."

"Give me a good reason not to hunt him down and drag him back by the ankles for committing treason."

"It would probably hurt Tahani more," Seokjin simply says, taking Lucia's clenched fists and cupping them with his own hands. "Need I explain why violence isn't the answer yet?"

"I appreciate the yet," Lucia grumbles, a small grin breaking out on her lips regardless of how hard she tries to will it away.

"There you are," Seokjin's eyes wrinkle in a smile, relief twinkling in his eyes.

"Please, I was always here," Lucia has to laugh as Seokjin and her sit on the bed, slowly winding down a little thanks to Seokijn's joke.

Seokjin is soft and careful as he helps Lucia undo her hair, taking out simple, decorative hairpieces and bobby pins while they think in silence.

"Seokjin, how could he do that to her? Doesn't he love her?"

"I don't know Lu, I don't know."

Another silence descends upon them, in a way that allows the festering questions and doubts in Lucia's heart to be heard in a way they never could be said aloud.

Lucia worries that Seokjin never heard them.

AS THE DAYS PASS, Lucia grows more and more anxious about Tahani, and consequently, her relationship with Seokjin. Tahani is miserable, no matter how much she tries to hide it, as days pass without a word from Jimin. Lucia tries her best to help cheer Tahani up, even going so far as going to almost every meeting that she shares with Tahani to make sure that she's okay.

But Lucia is sure that there's more to her desperation to help than what she tries to convince herself. Lucia is sure that there is more than anger shaking her hands as she comforts a sobbing Tahani in the library.

But like many other things, she's afraid to admit it.

Even as Seokjin attempts to comfort her amid her own tears in the seemingly always waning moonlight, Lucia finds herself full of fear and doubt that Seokjin always seems to mistake the origins of.

"Tahani will be okay, I promise," Seokjin hushes in between Lucia's hiccups. "We can even go down to town tomorrow and beat Jimin up if you'd like."

Seokjin pulls her close in his arms, softly brushing strands of hair from her face behind her ears with whispers of promise and comfort. He even goes so far as to tuck Lucia's head against his chest as he softly sings a lullaby.

Lucia can't even bring herself to care that he shed his 'no violence' narrative because all the while, her mind is screaming, "but will we be fine?"

Deeper, deeper, and deeper yet, Lucia sinks into a sea of doubt and worry, waving to Seokjin for help, unable to call his name between the jumbled fear filling her mouth in thick gulps. And Seokjin doesn't seem to see her amidst the foam of the dancing waves as he sings lullabies of happier times.

LUCIA FEELS HOPELESS in her suffocating doubts, with no one to save her. Nearly a month has passed, and words of love and affirmation sit on her tongue in an endless tango with uncertainty and reluctance.

She has no choice but to swallow down her pride and admit to herself first that she is desperate to finally have to stop reading between the lines and be honest because the utter agony Tahani is in is something she is nothing short of terrified of.

To be abandoned by the love of your life at a drop of a hat, after so many shared nights of laughter and tears and love. And she was left behind, left to mourn and grieve as her heart was in tatters, pieces lost to time and love, never to be recovered.

Lucia is cold and afraid. Her flickering eyes couldn't meet the eyes of the one she loved anymore, could no longer search for the melted caramel, for the morning sun that would illuminate pink buds and canvases of life. She could no longer feel the warmth of fireworks bursting under her skin among the chills of fear, let alone the burning warmth of her beloved's arms as he held her close at night.

Lucia is unconsolable, walking through every day, searching for signs that don't even exist in the people around her. Because, if you love someone and are still able to just walk away like that, what's stopping anyone else from doing the same?

And it's silly and unreasonable but the festering doubts have grown beyond control because Lucia can't just sit down and talk. She needs to just sit down and talk because this isn't just a game of catch me if you can anymore, this isn't a game and it never should have been but everything was just so right because it was them.

It was untamed and wild and ever-changing, never seen in the same place twice in the same way. It was ramen in the market or the field or in some obscure, hidden corner of the palace. It was wind whipping their hair every which way as Lucia "tries to escape" for the twentieth time. It was breathless confessions under the star-lit sky as they huddled close together, but not too close because they always loved to teeter on the edge of something so much more intimate but never took that final step. And it was eggshells and melting caramel and the gleaming morning dew of the red azalea bushes.

And all her mind can scream about is how it was and not is.

Lucia wishes she confessed sooner so she would not have to agonize over her uncertainty alone.

Wooooo sad chapter :)