𝑅𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑
￣￣￣￣
𝐻𝑒 / 𝐻𝑖𝑚
￣￣￣￣
𝑇𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟
￣￣￣￣￣
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞 & 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤
￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
What is it like being trans?
The dreaded question, how can I describe something that everyone experiences differently?
Absolutely no one is perfect - we all have a checklist of things we wish we could improve about ourselves, the standards we hold ourselves to are of someone else, someone labeled as "perfect" in other peoples eyes, the feeling of longing is there for everyone. No one escapes it's grasp.
Though the dysphoria you feel as a trans person is amplified. It's borderline painful. It's looking in the mirror and thinking 'fuck.. who is this person? Who am I looking at? Is that- has someone entered my house' and then realising that no, no one's barged in to look through the mirror at you. That's just, just... you.
It's isolating. Not being able to feel at home in your own body, constantly battling the "ideal gender image." 'Is your chest flat enough? It could be flatter.' 'Is my jaw too defined? Do I look feminine enough?' 'Can they tell?'.
There are many different things that might trigger your dysphoria, like seeing yourself in the mirror, looking at yourself naked, a person staring at you for too long, being intimate with someone, feeling that your voice is too feminine or masculine, being misgendered, being perceived as the opposite gender then what you identify as, being dead named, conversations about bodies/genitalia/intimacy, certain clothing, being forced into a certain role, and so on and so forth. There are so many different triggers for everyone and most of the time dysphoria happens when you are least expecting it.
Now, how does this relate to me?
Well... some dickhead from Truham just catcalled me, saying some random transphobic slurs and I'm fighting my urge to punch him in the face.
"What the fuck is your problem Harry?"
"My problem is you." The 'ouhhhhhs' from his friends became louder the longer this.. well whatever it is, continued. "You do know that this is a boy's only school right? What's the headmaster thinking, letting some lesbian join."
"HARRY!"
All eyes turned to the sudden shout, a few of Harry's lackeys going wide-eyed as Ben rolled his eyes.
"Nick." His British accent shone through, "here for another fight?"
"I might just with how you're acting. I seriously don't know why I used to hang out with you in the first place. You're Toxic Harry."
His face grimaced, clearly not expecting his former 'buddy' to speak to him like that.
Neither of you said anything as you made your way to the classroom.
As the three empty seats came into view Nelson finally spoke, his arm making itself comfortable on your shoulder.
"You okay man?"
"...never better."
His puppy-like eyes saddened at your response, pulling the two of you down onto the seats.
"Am I disgusting?"
"What- no! You're amazing, how could you ever think that?"
"It's just... what if this is all.."
"You are so, so amazing MC. Harry is just a douche trying to make other people feel like shit so that he can feel better about himself."
"It's not just Harry... what if this is all just.. this is dumb. Forget it-"
"No. Your feelings aren't dumb MC. I'm not just going to pretend that you aren't sad and go on with my day, you're my boyfriend. I want to know how you're feeling and if I can help." His voice was dead serious, his arms wrapping around you protectively.
Your eyes filled with tears as you hugged him back.
Fuck. He's just too good for you..
Around eight minutes had passed with the two of you changing topics constantly, talking about literally anything as the whole class quieted, looking to the door as there had been a loud slam.
A head of curly black locks poked out, rushing over as he practically leapt to you.
"Are you okay??? I heard that Harry said some stuff and- Isaac said it was pretty bad. He didn't do anything right? I don't need to do what Nick did right-"
"Charlie- Charlie! It's fine. I'm fine. Plus, you wouldn't be able to do that even if you tried." You brought his face to your hands, calming him down. The little joke didn't seem to faze them though.
"He couldn't, but I would."
"No." "No." You both answered instantly, looking to each other in surprise.
"You guys have zero faith in me." He sulked, dramatically slapping his hand over his face as he sighed.
"Realities a bitch."
"Sometimes."
Char's arm wrapped itself around your waist protectively, his head resting on your shoulder as the three of you waited for the bell to ring.
How could you ever get so lucky with them?
Or maybe.. how could they ever get lucky enough to have you?
￣￣￣￣
Peace 👋
