|| UNREQUITED ||

{𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐃}

It's now year 10.

I still like her.

Would I say we still have our moments? Yes we do.

But to her it's friendship to me it's not what I want.

When I stroke her head or hug her tight or do stuff for her that I don't do for others, that's showing my feelings.

I kind of hate her.
It like she's stringing me along and I hate her for it.

It's not like she knows but I still feel played.

Stop treating me differently
(But I want you to)

Stop giving me mixed signals
(Please just make it clear)

I'm always pleading that she'll like me back but it's not possible.

Every time I get the chance,I hold her hand walking down the stairs. I like the feel of it in my hand.

It felt kind of perfect.

She told me she liked 2 boys from her tuition.

That made a feel a certain way.

I felt jealous and I wished they didn't like her back.

I'm selfish but I want her all to myself.

Even if she didn't see me as I saw her.

I've come to a conclusion recently.
It hurts a lot to admit.

I'm deeply in love I think? But I know she won't like me back.

It's hard to admit it but it's true in the end I'll just be stuck with this unrequited love.

I guess I just want someone to like me back like I like them.

Take my hints, my behaviour and my feelings in to consideration and love me like I love you.

I do love her but eventually I'll have to give up. I don't plan to confess that I like her because I'm a coward obviously and rejection is scary.

Plus it would be weird to do it now because I have like a year and a half left and it would most likely be awkward.

Damn I'm pathetic.

I've come to the conclusion she doesn't like me like that at all and I should stop being so hung up over her but I can't.

I love her a lot.

I love you a lot but you don't love me the way I love you.

I was jealous when you said you kissed a guy in the cinema. You kissed him and you maybe like him.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

I think I'm loosing feeling for you. Slowly but every time I feel like I am it always comes back.
You are my first love.

I think Im starting to loose my feelings for you and I'm starting to like another. I still adore you and I wanna be close to you but I can't help but want you to want me.

You don't need me anymore...
But I need you. I thought I didn't need her anymore but I do and I still love her.

But she doesn't need me anymore, she doesn't admire me anymore, she doesn't trail next to me, Cling on to me, hold hands with me, give me that sweetheart smile, you've changed but really maybe I've just stayed the same hoping you would too.

If I told you one day to stop talking to the person you were this whole time, you would ask why? But honestly, I could never give a reason because I'm selfish and I want you to myself.

But honestly what right do I have I'm a coward, maybe just maybe if I told you how I felt then, just maybe you would have told me the same? Maybe not.

But maybe you've changed because I've changed. I don't talk to you as much, I'm out of conversation, I don't touch or pat your head anymore and I don't hold your hand and grip it like before or hug you.

I miss your hugs, that sounds so silly but you fit right. I don't really like physical touch but I was used to yours. You don't run over to me anymore, I'm lost.

As we grow older, I'm starting to realise that we can't stay the same forever but I truly wish our friendship wouldn't have changed and we continued as we were.

You told me he kissed you. You kissed him back. You made out with him, you let him kiss you many times and I can't help but feel the the familiar feeling of jealousy burn up in me.

I couldn't help but want to be in his place. I wish I was the one kissing you,taking you out and making you feel good. Why not me? I'm better than him.

I'm tall,pretty,funny,polite,real and have a lot of banter that made you laugh for days but the one quality he has that I don't posses is being a male.

I'm at a bit of an disadvantage aren't I? Ha.

Can you feel how sarcastic that laugh sounds.

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me without words with Just a hold of a hand and a kiss on the lips that would feel so gentle against both of ours. I wish. I wish I wish.

I really wish that I was him, I wish I never caught feelings for you, I wish I never caught feelings for a straight women. I hate myself.

I told you all of this would you believe me? Would you believe me when I say I love you?

You wouldn't because it doesn't mean anything anymore. My I love you's don't mean the world to you anymore because you don't need me like you did before.

Reading back on the things that we once did before made me realise that you might have liked me but maybe I was the oblivious one instead of you or maybe all friends are like that .

Can I say I love you still? Would it still mean the world to you like it once did before? Or would you feel nothing.

Like how my presence means nothing to you anymore. We talk but are we really there like before. I keep talking about the past maybe I need to move on from that.

Your attitude,the way you speak to me from the start to the finish has made me realise that nobody stays the same forever.

So from the start to the end of this one sided love, it stays unrequited like fate made it out to be.
And nothing will change that.
Ever.