Where your eyes linger: A re-telling

Episode 7: Reconciliation

(The End Of What Never Began)

(Kang Guk)

The street light casts an amber glow onto the road that I walk. I step steadily putting one foot in front of the other as I head toward home, and him. Thoughts about how we'd always fought before and how we always managed to reconcile quickly after flit through my mind.

This time was different obviously, Tae Joo had told me he liked me and I'd ruthlessly stomped on him not believing his words. Some part of me still didn't, Tae Joo could just be fooling himself. His insistent need to keep me firmly by his side warping his feelings for me into something they aren't. Yet as my feet pad against the ground in the silent night I remember his pained expression and the bitterness in his voice as he told me to get lost.

I hadn't been looking at him when he told me that he liked me and I regret it, maybe then I could have been a better judge. Still the feel of his hair on my neck and the warmth of his body as he held me makes me grip the two chocolate milks I have in hand tighter.

Maybe I could still fix this. If Tae Joo was willing, and maybe if I got it through my thick skull that it didn't matter whether he was misunderstanding it or not. There was a good chance that so long as I stopped trying to pull away so harshly that he might let things fall back into their old places. It still wasn't where I wanted to stand, but I wanted to stop hurting him, and myself. I wanted everything to be okay again.

I pull out my phone and dial Tae Joo's number. I wanted to make sure that he got home safe, I wanted to hear his voice. I know that there's a damn good chance he's not going to answer so I'm not that surprised when it rings and then goes to voicemail. The long street stretches out before me and I find myself hurrying up my pace. I want to go home, I want to see him. All the thoughts and small voices inside me that I'd always done my best to ignore before now just sit there in my head and in my heart and for once I don't try to drive them away.

Honestly I think, as I approach the house seeing the lights in the living room shone out onto the driveway, and maybe this was me being a little conceited, but maybe if I was the one to reach out this time, even after everything I'd said to him, all we would have to do is just agree to make up. The mere idea of us being okay again spurs me to move faster and jog up the driveway quickly and open the door.

Tae Joo hadn't locked it.

I walk inside. "Tae Joo." I call out as soon as I enter, taking off my shoes at the door. I walk into the living room and stutter a few steps as I take in the room, my nerves immediately going into high alert.

The room is trashed. The side table knocked over the drawers pulled out, the coffee table askew with its decorations scattered across the floor behind it. The lamp is knocked over on the ground and the picture on the wall now lies sideways on the couch.

"Tae Joo," I voice into the silent room. My voice sparks with apprehension when I hear no responding movement from the quiet house. "Don't play around." I admonished the empty air, thinking, hoping, Tae Joo had done this because he was angry at me.

Silence is the only thing that greets me and my alertness and fear ramp up to a higher gear. "Tae Joo." I say again as I duck quickly into the kitchen beside the living room. The room is dark and empty. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I dash out of the living room and into our bedroom, passing by the open and also empty bathroom and my bedroom.. "Han Tae Joo!" I yell his name over again as I see the room is also empty. My breath comes out in a fearful stuttering as it hits me that Tae Joo is truly nowhere inside the house. And if he wasn't here that means I had no idea where he was.

I dig into my pocket, pull out my phone, and click on the app that was connected to the location of Tae Joo's phone at all times. I open it and see a red pinpoint on the screen and it is nowhere near the house at all. I curse myself in my head and hurry over to the side table by the bed. I pull the drawer open and pull out a set of keys. These belong to a motorcycle I rarely ever use, but are the fastest means of transportation I have available to me.