Disclaimer/ Author's Note:
This is a work of fiction including the names, characters, places, events, and incidents. I still consider myself as a beginner so, typographical and grammatical errors may be present. Enjoy reading!
Started: 07/20/23
Ended:
~dee
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Prologue
Memories, they became more unrealistic as time flew by. It's like an imagery from the past you can no longer go back. It can be forgotten or erasable.
Reminiscing is close to imagination. To recreate scenes from the past, to daydream about the past, to remember what it feels like to be able to go back to that certain memory that's already history. To wish things differently.
It's true what they said about people are messy when it comes to love. They will conquer everything for someone that really mean to them. They would give never ending chances to be with that person.
I find it painful. How can people do such things when they know in the end it could only hurt them? When in the end they will be left alone, all by themselves.
I wished to never be caught up in that kind of dilemma, but it's too late. It's impossible to resurface from the ocean to the shore.
Dumampi ang aking labi sa mga tuhod ko. My heart was the sands of La Union, until an unpredictable wave crashed the shore.
Milton, the unpredictable wave.
Ilang taon na ang nakalipas, siya pa rin ang nakaukit sa isipan at sa lugar kung saan lahat nagsimula, dito sa La Union. I can't believe I came back here just to look back at my bittersweet past. I was so young and naive back then, it's impossible for a young lady to know what love is.
I met him again, two months ago. He's getting married and expecting a child with his last love, Aylla. He invited me to be in their wedding and the baby shower. But I refused, it's for the best. I want to erase him from my memories, like nothing happened. Like we didn't happend. It ended seven years ago. I accepted the fact that he can't be mine when he was owned by someone else. He had scars and wounds to heal and so do I.
Napagtanto kong bumuhos ang aking mga luha. I look up and see the clouds darkened, simbolo na u-ulan.
But I don't want to leave the shore yet. There some things I have to remember here, for me to accept that the memories we had were already burried in the sand. To slap myself with the reality. To let everything go.
I inhale the cold sea breeze and wipe my cheeks. Unti-unting bumuhos ang ulan. I just sat there, cold and barely moving. Wala akong pakialam kung magkasakit ako, hindi naman mapapawi ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Even though, how many times I've already healed my scars, they would always find a way to open.
I just wish things turned out differently. But what can I do? Wala akong laban kung tadhana na mismo ang gumawa ng paraan.
Why does it always hurt? Why can't I take a break from every heartache I've endured?
It's a cycle I can no longer get out of. I just wanna lay down on the sand and wished to be dead, but I can't do that. There's some things I still have to do. I don't wanna die suffering. I wanna die happy and peaceful.
But maybe, it's time to leave the shore. Maybe, it's time to let go of the waves. Maybe, it's time to let him go. It's the only way. It's time to move forward, wether I like it or not. Life must go on.
"Cat!" I heard someone's voice from afar.
Hindi ako lumingon. I know that voice, it's Ryle's.
Hindi ko alam kung paano niya ako nahanap. Why is he here? He was supposed to be in London.
"Catalina!" Doon lamang ako lumingon sa sigaw niya na 'yon. Naka-payong siya, kahit halatang basang-basa na siya dahil sa ulan.
I watch him get closer to me. I can see visible anger and probably disappointment in his eyes. And I know what it meant. He's angry because I left him in Italy. He's disappointed because I haven't told him that I'd come back here.
Nang makalapit na siya, he handed me the umbrella, making himself drenched in the rain.
"Bakit ka nagpapa-ulan dito?" His voice is firm and cold.
Hindi ako sumagot. Hindi ko alam kung nahahalata niya ba na umiiyak ako dahil sa mga muni-muni ko, sana hindi.
Tumayo ako at tinanggap ang payong. "Thank you."
Lalo lang siya nagalit sa hindi ko alam ang dahilan. "Why are you crying here alone?"
He noticed but I avoided his question. "I'm sorry I left Florence."
He sighed. "We can talk about this you know? Why did you suddenly disappeared without even telling me?"
"I'm sorry. I just wanna go home."
"Am I too controlling? What did I do wrong being a fiancée?" He asked, his expression suddenly soften.
Umiling ako. "No, I'm the one who's wrong. From the very beginning, Ryle."
"Is it because of him?"
I stiffened as he mentioned it.
"Is that the reason why you came back here? Is that the reason why you left me for 3 months in Italy, almost going crazy because I can't find my fiancée and only to be seen here?" He's back to sound irritated and almost breaking.
I'm such a fool. I can't defend such accusations because it's all true. I'm a mess, and Ryle is too good for me. He doesn't deserve this.
"I'm sorry." The only words I can mutter.
He looks up, disappointed with my answer. "Do you know how disappointing your answer is?"
He laugh sarcastically and I find it annoying. I'm such a disgrace and a ridiculous kind of woman. Dinadamay ko na lang palagi si Ryle, he deserve so much more than this.
"You know what..." I took off my engagement ring. "You don't deserve any of this. I'm calling our relationship and engagement off."
I handed him the ring but he just laughed like I did something funny. Kumunot ang aking noo dahil sa inis sa naging reaction niya. Can't he see that I'm being serious here?!
Aalis na sana ako sa harapan niya pero pinigilan niya ako. He found my hand and slid the ring back in, he looked so serious all of a sudden while he slid it on my finger. We both know that we're only engaged for convenience, and we both know that two hearts might be beating but one with a different rhythms.
I know all too well that I can't reciprocate Ryle's love, and this makes our arranged relationship more difficult.
"You're not going anywhere, love. Panindigan mo ako sa ayaw at sa gusto mo. You are bound to marry me, even though it is forced and brutal. I'll wait for you to leave that shore, to let the waves go, and to finally sail the sea with me."
...~
