Soul Ties

Chapter 45: The Push and Pull

The lights in the room have turned off, enveloping Scorpius and I in complete darkness. The only illumination we get is from the window whenever we pass a cluster of stars. I sit on the floor next to Scorpius sleeping in the bed. I watch his chest rise and fall, his mouth slack with sleep. The smokey musk coming from his hair reminds me of Ocura, which in turn reminds me of Ogmellos.

I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them. My brain is too wired to sleep. After everything was said, Scorpius immediately grew tired and went to lay down. In seconds his eyes had drifted shut and his breathing slowed. Unfortunately for me, I didn't get the pleasure of rest.

As I sit on the tiled floor, a star outside lights the room and I glance at his eyelids, watching them roam with his dreams. The room darkens again as the ship continues on. All I can see is the outline of his body in the blackness.

I know we won't have long until we're descending into Xoven. I should be excited, ecstatic at the fact that I'm that much closer to seeing Seren. In truth, all I can think about is Scorpius's confession. With a groan, I lean my head against the bed before standing and facing the window.

The galaxy looks so bright and yet so dark. The contrast is somehow beautiful, the opposites working together to create this magical universe that we're sailing through. Another cluster of small stars come into view and I watch them, thinking of my family, until they pass us.

"Mom," I whisper. "What am I going to do?" I would give anything to be able to talk to her right now. She would tell me what I was doing wrong and what I needed to do to fix this mess of emotions I was in. Would she have told me I was being a child, letting my feelings run wild instead of being logical? Or would she trust me to figure this out on my own?

I wish the ship would fly near Dalmoria. The comfort of seeing my planet would maybe help clear my head. But even as I wish for it, I take it back, knowing if I saw home it'd just add on to the whirlwind of emotions I obviously wasn't able to handle.

Scorpius shifts in the bed, his arm falling off the edge and hanging lazily. I turn back to him and kneel, looking at my name twirled along his pink finger.

"You shouldn't love me," I murmur to him in the darkness. "You shouldn't love someone who's only going to hurt you in the end. You shouldn't give me your heart when I'll just let it slip through my fingers and shatter at my feet."

I lift my own engraved finger, watching it shimmer when the room illuminates and falls into darkness again. The ache in my chest is so deep, almost like it's carved into my very being now, and I can't shake it. I feel like I'm hurting everyone around me. My mother, Ogmellos, Scorpius, Seren, Caelum. I'm ruining things with them all just for my own selfish gain, which I'm not even sure I'll be able to achieve in the end.

"I've been lying to you. Before I stepped foot on Ocura, everything I've said and felt was a lie. And now I'm living in this natural disaster of feelings inside me because everything I thought was real in the beginning isn't, and everything I thought was false might not be." My voice shakes on the last word and my eyes burn from the tears about to push their way out. I don't fight it this time. I'm too tired.

"But you shouldn't love me. Not when I don't know if what I'm feeling is safe or if it'll just hurt you." When I say it out loud, I'm not sure if I'm talking to Scorpius or if I'm really saying this to Seren. Honestly, it feels like I'm directing it to both of them and that feels much worse.

Scorpius moves again, his chest rising deeply and then falling back into its regular rhythm of sleep. His arm doesn't move away, though. I stay kneeling in front of it, watching his fingers twitch randomly with his dreams. I sigh, closing my hand and holding it to my chest.