Alternative Endings (Colleen Hoover Books)

November 9 (Ben & Fallon)

*SPOILERS ALERT*

Starting from Last November 9th... 

"And if you don't show up today, I'll be there next year. And the next. Every November 9th I'll wait for you, hoping one day you'll be able to find enough forgiveness to love me again. But if that doesn't happen and you never show, I'll still be grateful to you until the day I die."

Ben's POV

There were 83,456 words in the manuscript I dropped off at her front door last night. There are roughly 23,000 words in the first five chapters, before she would have gotten to the note. She could have easily read 23,000 words in three hours. If she started the manuscript right after I dropped it off, she would have finished the first section by 3 a.m.

But it's almost midnight. It's been almost twenty-four hours since I saw her pick up the manuscript and close her door. Which means she's had twenty-one hours to spare and she's still not here.

Which means, obviously, she isn't coming.

Most of me believed she wouldn't show up today, but a small part of me still held out hope. I can't say that her choice has broken my heart because that would mean my heart was still whole to be broken.

I've been heartbroken for a solid year, so her not showing up feels just as crippling as the last 365 days have felt.

I'm surprised the restaurant has let me wait it out here in this booth for so long. I've been here since the crack of dawn this morning in hopes that she stayed up and read the manuscript last night. Now that it's almost midnight, that's a good eighteen hours I've spent occupying this booth. That's gonna be one big tip.

At 11:55 I leave the tip. I don't want to be here when the clock strikes November 10th. I'd rather wait out the last five minutes in my car.

When I open the door to leave the restaurant, the waitress shoots me a pitiful look. I'm sure she's never seen anyone wait so long after being stood up, but at least it'll give her a good story to tell.

It's 11:56 p.m when I reach the parking lot.

It's 11:56 p.m when I get into my car and lean against the steering wheel, watching with hopeless eyes the main door of the restaurant to see if Fallon will actually come up and make my life worth living.

11:57 p.m

I glanced at the parking entrance as well, hoping to see her car. Nothing was there; no voice of a nearing engine nor the lights of a car approaching.

11:58 p.m 

I held my breath, my heart racing in my chest. She will come, she cannot not come. She loves me, I'm sure she does. She has to come because I don't know what will I do if she doesn't. I don't know if I will be able to carry on with my life if she doesn't.

My eyes kept shifting between the clock, the restaurant's front door, and the parking entrance.

11:59 p.m

I didn't have to check the clock after 11:59 because I counted down the last minute of November the 9th in my head with my eyes still focused on the door, the door that Fallon did not approach and probably never will.

12:00 a.m

Two giant tears slipped from my eyes and landed on the steering wheel but I remained in my place, anticipating a miracle that will make her show up in front of me.

I don't know why I expected her to show up, I don't know how I expected her to forgive me after all that was mentioned in the manuscript. She will never show up and she has every right in the world not to.

Still, I waited. I watched with swollen eyes and a broken heart the parking entrance for more painful minutes, praying that Fallon will have the tendency to gift me her forgiveness.

I waited and waited, but the result did not change; my tears kept streaming and Fallon did not come.

1:30 a.m

It wasn't November the 9th anymore, but I still waited because I know she will show up, I know that Fallon will forgive me.

Flashbacks of my days with Fallon invaded my mind, making me sob hard in my place. It feels like yesterday we were sitting in the same restaurant I'm sobbing while looking at now, laughing and talking about anything that comes to our minds. 

She has to come, I can't live without her, she has to know this. 

Maybe she's trying to make me pay for what I did? Maybe she will after a few hours, knowing that I will wait for her after 12 am. 

But it's almost 3 am now and still, she's nowhere to be seen. 

She will come, I'm sure she will...

She didn't, she didn't come to save me from living the nightmare that is my life without her. She left me here, in the empty parking lot, shouting and crying and hitting the steering wheel repeatedly in anger at the world and myself and the events that led me to be here, at 6 am, alone and waiting for something that I knew deep inside won't happen.

After what seemed like forever, I finally gathered the strength needed to collect the debris of my heart and drive away.

Maybe she will come next year, maybe she will forgive me on our Eighth November 9th... 

Eleventh November 9th:

Dear Fallon... 

They say time heals everything, but I don't see this happening with me. In fact, my wounds are getting deeper day after day and my heart feels like it's shrinking with every second of every fucking day. 

6 years passed since our last November 9th together. 5 years passed since I dropped the manuscript by your door.

"And if you don't show up today, I'll be there next year. And the next. Every November 9th I'll wait for you, hoping one day you'll be able to find enough forgiveness to love me again. But if that doesn't happen and you never show, I'll still be grateful to you until the day I die."

I kept my promise, Fallon. I showed up every November 9th since I gave you my heart on papers. I'm here now, writing this letter for you despite knowing that I will never be able to read it, but I love the feeling of sharing things with you even though this letter will end up in the pile I have in my closet, which contains everything I wished to say to you since the day I last saw you.

I'm here, at the restaurant we met at the first time and promised to meet every November 9th. You never showed up as I wished and prayed for every single day, you never contacted me, you never even told me that you forgave me, I don't even know If you did, but I don't blame you if I haven't.

Congratulations, my love; I heard on the news that you got married! Yes, they announced it by saying that the daughter of the famous actor Donovan O'Neil got married in a private ceremony. They also said that your husband is a rising actor. There were several pictures from the wedding and some were of you with your father, both hugging and smiling widely at the camera. It made me feel good knowing that at least the manuscript and my explanation helped fix the relationship between you and your father. I can't tell you how glad I am that something went better because of me after all.

You looked amazing in white, Fallon. You looked happy, sweetheart, but not as happy as the day we met on our first November 9th, which made my heart ache; I want you to shine with genuine happiness, and I wish you live your happily ever after with your new husband. I really do. Hope he manages to give you a book worthy life because you certainly deserve it.

I told you once that you saved me the day we met, Fallon. 

You still do; because waiting for you to show up is the reason why I wake up every day, even though I know this will never happen.

See? I'm here now, Fallon, waiting for you, despite knowing that you got married and you are probably on your honeymoon.

I'm here, as I promised, and I will be here next year, and the year after until you find enough forgiveness to love me again.

I will be here, until the last November 9th of my life, writing letters to you that will never be sent. I will be here, Fallon. I will always wait for you on our November 9th.