when lines blur | espresseleine

15 // espresso

The pain was gone.

Espresso felt wide awake. His vision was no longer blurry, he felt energized, and he...remembered.

Madeleine.

"Where is he?" Espresso asked, sitting up in his bed.

Beside him, he only saw Latte, who uncharacteristically had tears in her eyes. She jumped as Espresso leapt out of bed, then winced as his stiff joints cracked. After all, he hadn't moved from the bed for a while.

"Espresso! You're awake?" Latte said, her voice cracking on the last syllable.

"Yes, yes, now where's Madeleine?" Espresso asked again, brushing off her hand on his shoulder.

Shakily, Latte took a step back. "I...there." she managed, pointing a shaky finger at the bed next to him.

Espresso crossed the small room in two quick strides. Just when he'd reached Madeleine's bedside, he felt something on his right arm pull him back. Impatiently, he reached to tug it out, then felt the hand on his shoulder once more.

" 'Spresso, you really shouldn't do that-" Latte began, but Espresso ignored her, pulling out the needle in his arm with a quick tug. Immediately, he felt lightheaded.

"What is this?" he demanded, ignoring the fuzzy sensation.

"It connects you to Madeleine." Latte said, looking away. "It kept both of you alive. Like...your lifelines are tied together."

"I..." Espresso was at a loss for words, then shook his head, stumbling over the hard wooden floor to Madeleine. "He's okay now, isn't he?"

When Latte didn't reply, Espresso glanced at Madeleine, then stepped back in shock. The other boy's normally tan face was pale, his eyelids closed and his breathing shallow.

"No." Espresso mumbled under his breath. "This isn't happening. It isn't happening. Latte, what the hell did he do?"

"H-He offered to take your place." Latte admitted quietly. "Since he handles alcohol better than you, there's a bigger chance he might live."

The sentence they both wanted to say hung unspoken in the air. Espresso wanted to scream. What it's the smaller chance this time? What if he doesn't?

"There's still a heartbeat." At the sound of the voice, both Latte and Espresso turned around to the nurse's pitying eyes. She walked over and placed her hand on Madeleine's chest. "There's still hope for him."

Although Espresso knew she was just the nurse, he felt the familiar surge of jealousy rush up inside him at the touch the two of them shared. He wanted Madeleine to be his, and his alone.

Instead, he bent down over Madeleine and placed his own hand over his chest. Even though the heartbeat was faint, Espresso felt a sense of ecstacy flood over him. He was alive. He shivered at the brief physical contact they'd shared, feeling his fingertips tingle at the touch.

Not now, you idiot.

"Madeleine?" Espresso whispered. He himself was surprised at how soft his normally harsh voice was. Stupid feelings. "I know you're still in there..."

He trailed off, not quite knowing what to say. "Look, you idiot," he began, feeling tears of both relief and weariness pool in his eyes, "stop pretending you're dead, for God's sake. I'm Espresso, remember? I'm...you know, that stupid boy who always blushed around you?"

He paused, feeling Latte's eyes on him as he, for perhaps the first time in his life, acknowledged his feelings.

Even as a kid, Espresso had never really known what to do with feelings, or emotions. They'd always been simply nuisances to him, always getting in the way of what he wanted to do. To him, rationality was best.

But ever since he'd started to get to know Madeleine, his world turned upside down. The other boy made him feel things he thought he'd never feel and didn't think existed before. Espresso wanted to touch him, often, spend time with him, scoff at his insufferable jokes yet want to...kiss him for it every single time.

Precisely at that very moment, Espresso realized that Madeleine had taught him a lot. Compassion, kindness, caring for others. Qualities Espresso had never thought of as crucial.

Until then.

"Open your eyes." he urged suddenly to the boy in the bed next to him.

"Espresso, he's in a coma." Latte said, but Espresso ignored her.

"Look, Madeleine." he said. Was it just his imagination, or did the other boy's eyelids flicker, just a little? "You are the most headstrong, stubborn person I know."

At this, he laughed a little. Latte eyed him warily. After all, Espresso had never laughed at anything in his life.

"When you want something, you go for it." he continued. "You never give up on anything, much less your life. So why don't you wake up right this instant and let me scream my lungs out at you for making us all worry for so long?"

A beat.

"Please don't scream." The murmur was so weak, so quiet, so soft, that Espresso had difficulty hearing it, but it was there all right.

Latte gave a little gasp as Madeleine stirred in his bed, wincing when he turned over to look at Espresso. The cobalt blue eyes Espresso had missed for so long were wide open and staring back at him once more.

"You're such an idiot." Espresso mumbled.

"I saved your life." Madeleine murmured sleepily. "Don't I at least get a thank you?"

Espresso wanted to cry. Instead, he took Madeleine's face into his hands and kissed him for the second time.

"You are not leaving me again." Espresso growled. "No more stupid self-sacrificing deeds, got it?"

"You've gotten better at kissing me." was Madeleine's reply. He smirked a little, just enough for Espresso to know he was okay.

"Is that really all you can think about right now?" Espresso choked out. He couldn't help it. The tears rolled down his face.

"Hey, hey, I'm here now." Madeleine's voice turned gentle. "It's okay."

"Says the boy who almost got himself killed." Espresso scoffed.

Madeleine chuckled, reaching up to gently brush the tears off Espresso's wet cheeks.

"Ahem, I'm still here you know!" Latte's shrill voice interrupted. The two jumped, too caught up in their own world. "It's a tearful reunion, yes, but seriously, get a room!"

With a start, Espresso realized she was crying too.

uwu do you guys love me now