Wandering darkness

Life part 1

Life is hard in many ways for many different people, in so many different ways. Me, well my life is hell, i see other people happy and feel like i am living as a corpse. Is it all bad, no, it is not because i have friends and family there for me; without my family i would have locked myself in my room for all eternity because that way i would feel safe. Hiding from things such as embarrassment or pain only do more harm, weather physicaly or mentally, me feel it more when hiding because i think of the ways i could have saved myself or made it better. I am known as  a special case though because i was a 'product' of a one night stand between my parents, they hate each other more than putin and borris at this point. I don't see my mum anymore so i can only hear my dads side of things which may not seem fair to many, it is to me, because she had the choice to be there but wasn't. I was sat there on my 6th birthday expecring a hug, but no she ran off and has stayed away, that is for the best though mainly because growing up the past few years i saw her in a new light, not as a mother but as an oven, to give my dad me. Obviously being the 'special' child i am i see people happy and am jealous, i am not saying i am not happy and i know deep down that going through the things i have has made me stronger; i can just imagine if i wasn't here would lives be better for others and the answer is yes, my dad has another family, a wife and two kids, they make me feel like part of the family and i am gratefull to them for many things but i know they could be a family without me. I have learnt to think about the positives of life and will no express them and prove that life as the 'special' child isn't as bad as people may think.