Belladonna

Chapter 8: Moving forward

The thing about having my mind finally syncing up with the here and now, realising I am in a supposed fictional world, in the body of a little girl— which I had been inhabiting for the past six years after being reincarnated— remembering my supposed father's death and whom the hell this body is related to... Well, it certainly felt like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on me, forcibly waking me up from my sleep-like trance with a violent shudder. There was no denial and no confusion because I knew this was my reality.

I had lived in this new world for six years. Six years to adjust, although on a subconscious level. I grew up among yōkai, and I've seen most of the main cast face-to-face. I hadn't remembered them until now, but that didn't mean I hadn't met them before. They aren't just fictional characters from my past life anymore; they are living, breathing—well, some of them—people slash beings who cared for me and who all have connections with me. And I am not just anybody.

I am Nura Retsu.

My mind is clearer, sharper, older and suddenly, all the things I had not thought to question, that had been pushed aside and missed when "I" have yet to awaken... it became so glaringly obvious that it's cringeworthy.

An isolated six-year-old is not that hard to deceive, considering who exactly is doing it. Solidify the fact that she was now in good hands of her only "blood-related family member", a person who would care for her, protect her and nurture her. Give her a certain amount of freedom, and she will believe anything.

I was that kid.

But that fantasy shattered when I remembered. And I'm glad it did.

No, I am not happy, far from it. I'm freaking out of my mind, and I'm scared. Screw that, I am goddamned terrified. What little comfort I had was the fact that I didn't end up getting reborn into Shingeki no Kyōjin. I liked that show, truly I did, but just—no. No. Anything else that I had ever watched had surely got to be better than that unfortunate fate. As for Nurarihyon no Mago, if I had been reborn as any normal human being, I'm pretty sure I'd be screwed ten ways to Sunday. I'm barely hanging on as it is. My heart fluttered like a hummingbird with near-overwhelming fear. The nagging question of "What am I supposed to do now?" weighed heavily upon my head.

There was no way in hell am I going back there, not when they were already starting to groom "Jun" to take orders without questions. Not when all Hagoromo Gitsune needed to do was take one look at me to realise I knew and decided that I wasn't worth all that effort being kept alive.

Which means... I have to leave.

All of a sudden, I felt as if a black hole had just opened up beneath me, threatening to swallow me whole and plunge me into a never-ending free fall into the vast and bottomless abyss. There are so many things out there I don't know yet. Hell, I don't even know how to start my own fire or set camp, forage for food, discern the edibles and non-edibles. I'm not ready, but I have no choice. I cannot stay here.

Hagoromo Gitsune does not love me. Like tending to a bonsai, she's merely trimming bits of me off to shape me into her desired result. To be receptive to orders. A loyal minion. A puppet.

She controls how much I'm learning. I know my training sessions were purposefully crueller to push my limits and just for the sake of making things harder for me—I have a feeling it has to do with being related to Nurarihyon—but I caught up much faster than they had anticipated, and it, sort of, backfired on them the longer time dragged on. What was supposed to take months in order to adjust, I managed within one moon cycle. I picked up battle skills at an astonishing rate as compared to other children my age, be they yōkai or human. This body seemed to have the natural talent for it.