I have been always a kid who grew up a bit lonely.
I was once surrounded with love and care, everyone was around me.
but at times I used to feel alone, like I don't belong with anyone, I was a kid who can be considered an outcast.
I always tried to get in with society, but my personality, my face, my body and my feelings were different.
I felt as if everyone around me were a kilometre farther than me.
I loved being lonely, but now that I an adult, does it really feel all that great?
I wake up alone, I eat alone, I think alone, I go out alone.
alone alone alone
it's just a cycle I can't get out of.
I feel like my own self is watching me but everytime I feel it down my spine, it's as if I am being tested by my own actions.
Nowadays I look into the mirror, and my face seems blurry, just.. what am I?
I used to be happy, I used to look like my eyes smile with me. I laughed and I loved being me.
but now, who was that? who am I? after I started growing up from the age of 16, I figured. There was never an I. There was no one. I am a blurry image of a person I want to know. A person I want to become.
Doing the activities I used to love, now seem dull. It seems as if life lost it's spark. It lost what I loved the most.
I am all alone in a space where it makes me feel surrounded.
surrounded by deep regret, guilt, stress, depression. the only thing that makes me feel at ease was looking at other people live their happy life.
oh how jealous I am of them, a few years back, I was still depressed like I am now. but this time it's different, it's that I have given up, I set up a date, I prepared money for my funeral, in usd it turned out 10,478. but I have saved up, and on 1.1.2025 it's a deadzone.
I feel sick saying this, ending it all like everything I've done was nothing. but was it really something? everyone has done what I did but better.
and they are smiling and jumping right?
I have a mother, and I have an older sister. they see the future in me but I have given up.
everytime something happens, I just think of it as my last time and try to be more happy, but everytime I do, tears try to burst open.
what is life to me right now, what am I.
who are we?
