Beatle and the Beast (my version)

First Impressions

The live candelabra opened Paul's cell door for him causing Paul himself to jump back.

"Forgive my intrusion, kind sir, but I've come to escort you to your room" said a posh voice.

"My room? But I thought..." Paul began.

"Oh what? That when this door closes it won't open again? I know. She gets so dramatic" said the voice.

Paul looked and saw the talking candelabra. 

"Hello" it said to him.

Paul gasped and swatted the candelabra with his hand.

"Oh, you're very strong, sir. This is a great quality" said the candelabra.

"What are you?" said Paul.

"I'm Alfred Pennyworth" said the candelabra.

"And you can talk?" said Paul.

"Why, of course he can. It's all we do in this residence. Now, Alfred, as I'm head of Wayne Manor, I suggest you put him back in his cell at once" said the clock.

"What do you want to be for the rest of your life, Mr Bruce? A man or a mantle clock?" Alfred whispered.

He turned to Paul and said "Ready, sir?"

Paul picked up Alfred and Bruce Wayne, the clock, led him down a hall.

"You must forgive first impressions, young Paul. I do hope you're not too startled" said Alfred.

"Why would I be startled? I'm talking to a candle" said Paul sarcastically.

"Candelabra. Please. Enormous difference. But consider me at your service. Wayne Manor is your home now so you can go anywhere you like" said Alfred.

"Except the West Wing" said Bruce.

Alfred shook his candle arms as if to tell Bruce not to say anything.

"Which we do not have" said Bruce.

"Why? What's in the West Wing?" said Paul.

"Oh, nothing. Storage space is all" said Alfred.

"This way please to the East Wing" said Bruce.

"Or, as I like to call it, the only wing" said Alfred.

Bruce and Alfred took Paul to a more comfortable room in the mansion.

"Welcome, Paul. It's modest but comfortable" said Bruce.

"It's... lovely" said Paul.

"But of course. We wanted you to have the finest room in Wayne Manor" said Alfred.

The room was a little dusty, so a live feather duster flew in and dusted it off.

"Hello there, young man. Don't worry. I'll have the place spotless in no time" she said.

"Who are you?" said Paul.

"Celeste Arquette. A pleasure" said the feather duster.

Just then, a blue wardrobe opened her cabinets and vocalized startling Paul.

"Don't be alarmed, sir. This is just your wardrobe" said Alfred.

"Yes. She's my mother. Madame Maria Arquette. She's a great singer" said Celeste.

"A better sleeper" said Bruce.

"Bruce, a diva needs her beauty rest" Madame Maria yawned.

"Oh, stay with us, madame. We have someone for you to dress" said Alfred.

"Oh! Finally! A man! Fine hair, proud face... perfect structure, yes. I will find you something worthy of a prince" said Madame Maria.

"Oh, I'm not a prince" said Paul.

"Nonsense. Now let's see what I've got in my drawers" said Madame Maria.

She designed a three-piece suit which made Paul feel overdressed.

After that, Alfred, Bruce and Celeste left the room.

"Celeste, send my love to the Maestro!" said Madame Maria.

After the three objects left, Madame Maria went back to sleep.

Paul slipped out of his new suit, then put his old one back on and tried to think of a way to escape.