see you again

twelve

To say Jaebeom was lost is an understatement.

He was beyond lost. He didn't know what to do without Jinyoung by his side. Jinyoung was his better half. He was his rock whenever he felt lost, he was always there to keep him sane. 

His whole life was ripped away from him. The memories of him and Jinyoung are still fresh in his mind, the first time they met, their first date, his proposal to Jinyoung, their wedding and having Yugyeom.

They said that there a 5 stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, but to Jaebeom, it felt like he was always stuck in denial, anger and depression. He wakes up to an empty space beside him, with no breakfast prepared, with no Jinyoung by his side.

He looked terrible, he had lost many pounds, his eyes sunken with dark circles circling them, lacking of any life, his eyes were also swollen from crying till he fell asleep, his moustache had grown out but he couldn't be bothered to shave. Jinyoung had always loved his clean shaven face and now that he was not here, it felt pointless. He had lost his meaning of staying alive. His lips were way too chapped for his liking but he couldn't be bothered to do anything about it, he couldn't find the energy to do so. 

Youngjae had brought Jaebeom home, trying to settle the man down. Jaebeom looked so lifeless that it hurt Youngjae. Youngjae had known Jaebeom for a long time.

Jaebeom used to frequent a cafe back in his university days where Youngjae was working part time. As cringy as it is, it was love at first sight but Youngjae never had the balls to approach Jaebeom. He knew Jaebeom's order by heart, Iced Americano with 1 pump of syrup and Jaebeom always got the largest cup. He fell for the way Jaebeom's eyebrows would furrow whenever he couldn't solve or understand whatever he was working on, or the way he would smile, his eyes would turn into crescents and he would crack a huge smile on his handsome face. But it was Jaebeom's eyes that made him fall the hardest. The hooded, monolid eyes always held so much hope, it was always bright and sparkling. 

But after Jaebeom graduated and took over his father's company, he never visited the cafe again and that was how Youngjae's one sided crush ended. To be completely honest, while he was preparing to be a detective and studying at the police academy, he had forgotten about his crush. Until he saw Jaebeom again at Jinyoung's funeral. He had never seen the boy so lifeless, the boy that used to hold so much stars in his eyes suddenly was void of any emotion. 

It hurt Youngjae. The feelings that he had pushed into a corner of his heart to forget started to resurface and with more time that the spent together, the little crush he had on Jaebeom led him to falling for him. At this point, he wanted nothing more than to bring the happy Jaebeom. 

He sent Jaebeom to the doorstep of his apartment. "Please take care, I will take my leave now, we can schedule another day to meet." Youngjae gives Jaebeom a pat on the shoulders. Just as he had just turned his back to walk away, he feels a hand grab onto his wrist. 

"Don't go please, it feels so lonely and cold, I can't take it anymore." Youngjae hears sniffles coming from the man behind him. He turns his body to see hot tears streaming down Jaebeom's cheeks. It hurts him to see Jaebeom so broken. He pulls Jaebeom into a hug, letting Jaebeom let his feelings out once again. 

When Jaebeom finally stops crying, he brings Jaebeom into the apartment and sits him down on the sofa, heading to the kitchen to get Jaebeom a cup of water. This isn't his apartment and he didn't know which cup belongs to Jaebeom so he took a random one in the kitchen, hoping it was the right cup. He filled it up with warm water and headed back to the living room where Jaebeom was.

When Jaebeom saw the cup Youngjae was holding, the now calmer man broke down again. It was Jinyoung's cup. Youngjae was shocked at the sudden outburst of the older man. He puts the cup onto the coffee table and pulls Jaebeom into another hug.

"It hurts, it hurts so much" Jaebeom cries while hitting his chest. Youngjae holds onto his hand, attempting to stop the older man from hurting himself. "If only I had woken up that day and sent Yugyeom to school, Jinyoung wouldn't have been in a car accident, it is all my fault. I should have died instead of him."

"It's not your fault you know, it was the drunk driver's fault. I hope you wouldn't blame yourself anymore." Youngjae rubs comforting circles onto the crying male's back. "I'm here, just let it all out, don't keep it inside you anymore, it must have been hard for you."

"Can you stay for the night please? I really don't want to be alone." Jaebeom begs.

Although Youngjae was practically a stranger to Jaebeom, he would never leave Jaebeom alone in this state, especially after he asked for him to stay.

Youngjae strokes Jaebeom's head, "I'm not going anywhere."