So Ive decided that I shouldn't keep my feelings locked up anymore. If anybody I know is reading this then please don't say anything to me about this. Its not something I want to talk about but rather write down. So I guess I should start: so I have a crush on my bestfriend....her name is Ashley. If your homophobic then get the fuck out please and thank you. But anyways, she knows I like her...maybe a little more..but she took it really well when I told her. But the problem is that she may/probably doesn't like me back. She got a boyfriend a while ago. I could feel myself break down but nobody was there. I have breakdowns regularly but it was so much more....intense. she is literally my whole world.... and my world doesn't want me. But what am I supposed to do? I only want her to be happy and if she is happy with this Nathan guy, so be it but I will be damned if she gets hurt by him. If I have any say in it this world wont hurt her anymore for as long as I live. Never. She is so special and amazing and just....beautiful both inside and out. She deserves the best and I want to be the one to give her the best but it won't happen. I just wish she knew how amazing and beautiful she is. But I guess it wasn't mean to be. I even stopped sending her good morning gorgeous text messages, I don't want to mess up her relationship anymore than I already have. She feels bad about something but I don't understand why...she should never ever have to say sorry. In my eyes she can do no wrong. An my cousin thinks I'm stupid for feeling this way but honestly Ashley saved my life and if it wasn't for her then I wouldn't be here. But nobody cares. She was the only one who cared when I attempted suicide. She means so much to me. But my cousin thinks that I'm stupid and I honestly think that my cousin (Aeragwyn) is jealous. She won't admit it but she gets mad when I talk about how much sheeans to me and stuff. They both mean so much to me but if the girl I'm in love with is hated by my bestfriend then I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just fucked aren't I? Yep. I'm fucked. Why did this fucking happen? Fuck.
</3 GaBbY.
