Art book ig

Small wholesome PayJay fic :]

Paper feels like a burden to OJ, but OJ assures him that he isn't

Mental drops were not something uncommon with Paper. One moment, he'd feel perfectly fine, fully functioning and ready to take on whatever faced him. The next, the smallest inconvenience could burden his day and ruin his mood. It was unpredictable, and more than that, it was annoying to him. Paper felt pathetic whenever the time would strike, useless even.

The worst part of it was how he felt it affected his relationship, though. Paper felt like a burden to OJ, who without fail would swoop in and take care of him when things weren't going too well. It wasn't something Paper wanted to become accustomed to, but it's not like he could do anything to stop it.

OJ could read him better than anybody else could, he was the only person Paper really felt could handle him, and OJ was always pretty insistent on helping him no matter what. So Paper let him. It seemed like whenever Paper didn't understand what was going on inside his own head, OJ was there to pick the pieces up for him. He dusted them off and placed them gently back into Paper's hands with a smile, but it never felt fair to Paper.

"I don't get it," Paper whispered, clutching on to his partner's shirt as his head rested on his shoulder. OJ's hand halted for a moment in Paper's long white hair with little blue and pink strips. He made a noise of confusion, urging Paper to carry on with what he meant. Paper sighed, still hiding his face in OJ's shoulder as he pushed on, "I don't get why you keep helping me. You've never had any problems like... this."

OJ pondered for a moment, stroking Paper's hair again as he thought. "I don't see why that would stop me from helping you," he finally stated, nodding in agreement to himself. It was true, OJ considered himself pretty normal. He had his ups and downs, but he was typically the stable crutch for Paper, his rock. OJ prided himself on this, but he never took into account that Paper might feel differently. From what OJ could tell, he did, as Paper sunk even lower into OJ's shoulder, grumbling in frustration.

"You waste your time working with me," Paper muttered, pulling himself closer. Despite his words of deterrence, he didn't want to stay far apart. OJ understood this and wrapped an arm around Paper's waist. "You're perfectly fine. I'm dragging you down."

OJ frowned at this, planting a gentle kiss on Paper's temple in comfort. "That's not true at all," OJ replied, stroking his thumb over Paper's side. Despite Paper needing a bit more patience and attention that others normally would, OJ never minded this. He didn't always understand what was going on in the guy's head, but he would always be there for Paper.

After all, OJ loved him, more than anything. Paper knew this too, but he couldn't help but feel bitter resentment towards himself. He felt even worse trying to convince OJ that it was true as well. Instead of arguing back, he bit his tongue and let his husband continue. OJ tightened his hold around Paper for a moment, leaning his head on to his lover's. A few moments of silence passed before Paper unclenched his fist from the other's shirt, eventually wrapping his arms around OJ in a tight embrace. He placed another kiss on the side of Paper's head.

"I've never felt like you were holding me back from anything, Paper. You'd never do that. You're not that type of person, intentional or not," he said in a hushed tone. "Just because I may not fully understand what you're going through doesn't mean I can't be there for you while it's happening. I want the best for you. And if it means we have to sit in the hotel room with all the lights off while I hold you for a few hours, that's okay with me."

OJ gently swayed the two of them while he spoke. Paper felt his eyes prick again and tightened his hold around the man. He was always so kind, if not a little flustered about things. OJ was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, that's one thing Paper always loved about him. He was so understanding, without fail. It didn't matter who you were. But Paper would always be the special case for him.

Not only did OJ stick around with him more than anyone else, he took the time to really get to know him. He learned about all the things Paper liked and disliked, what his favorite color was, his favorite animal, what side of the bed Paper liked to sleep on, everything. Even the type of music Paper liked to listen to when he was stressed, or the stuffed animal Paper liked the most when he was upset. Without fail, OJ knew. OJ knew that sometimes Paper needed that special treatment, like right now. He felt the tears force their way out of his eyes as OJ continued to rock. Paper couldn't find the energy in him to speak at the moment.

As if on cue, OJ spoke up, "Want me to keep going?" he asked quietly, easing up on the rocking for a moment. Paper nodded in silence, letting his posture relax as OJ continued. He talked for a while, about anything that would comfort Paper. He didn't need to respond, OJ always assured him of this. Instead, Paper would just listen, absorbing everything he felt, heard or saw. Everything would slowly piece back together.

Everything was going to be okay, that's what he was always told by OJ. Everything will be okay. OJ made him feel okay. Paper took a deep breath before tightening his hold on his husband, whispering a quiet "thank you," under his breath. OJ smiled, planting a gentle kiss of Paper's forehead. OJ would tell him time and time again, everything will be okay.

Take this as an apology for not updating the next chapters, I'm just trying to make it as good as possible, it could take a week if possible.