Grim-reaper || MYG

Chapter 30

She cried against my chest. We just sat and she poured all her sad emotions out. No words were spoken. Just tears. I didn't dare to ask her to stop because I knew it hurts too bad. I tried to calm her down with gradual pats on the head and back. Her unsteady breath became steady but her grip on my t-shirt stayed tight. We stayed like this for maybe an hour or so. After so much crying and silence from my side, she finally spoke.

" My eyes hurt. " She mumbled, not yet ready to part away from the hug.

" It's okay. Close them and rest." I replied gently.

" Don't leave." She became defensive about that idea. She tugs on my t-shirt a bit more.

" You can rest like this," I said pulling her closer.

" Hm."

She kept her eyes open for some time until eventually, she can no longer keep them open. She was exhausted from all the crying. It was mentally and physically draining to her. However, she needed a good cry. I gently rocked her from side to side as I closed my eyes.

It felt like...peace.

The kind of peace that the soul craves.

It was as if running away has taken away all my energy...

and finally, I took a rest.

Life ... suddenly didn't feel like a burden.

As if I have surrendered to peace.

She embraced me so well. It felt so good. I wanted to be here forever. The fear in my heart slowed down and it felt better. It felt better to hold her in my arms. It felt like the warmth of love. As the wave of tears that she shed has passed over both of us.

" Yoongi."

I opened my eyes to Ken standing to my right. His eyes filled with betrayal. Silence stood between us. He waited for me to justify the actions that he has caught me in. However, I did not explain this time. Instead, I showed him that I wasn't afraid to show him what stood before him.

" You..." He paused as he intensely looks at me.

" Hmm." I pulled Nora closer to state my intentions.

Ken stared at me. I stared back at him. He wasn't happy with my decision. There was a sense of sadness in his eyes as if he has lost something. He looked away, took a breath and spoke to me.

" She is a client, Yoongi." He reminded me with a stern tone.

" I know," I responded.

" You can't protect her. She is gonna die. Why is it so hard for you to understand? All this affection and closeness won't bore its fruits. She is gonna die!" Ken lashed out at me.

" I just wanna protect her," I answered in a low voice.

" It is of no use, Yoongi! She will die! She has to die for you to come back home!" Ken reasoned with me.

" I don't care about it," I said, still keeping my cool.

" Y-You don't care? " He asked me. It was then that I saw tears in his eyes. " You won't care?" He asked again. His voice was shaky, and his eyes filled with agony.

" Is this what has come to be?" he asked again as I didn't respond to him. " You will choose her over me?"

" I don't wanna talk about this." I looked away from him. I don't really need to discuss this now.

" No! No! I want an answer!" He demanded. " You will choose her over me? Her?" He pointed at Nora.

" I don't wanna do this now, Ken," I stated firmly.

" We stayed together since we died. I stayed with you in your afterlife. Not her!" Ken screamed.

" I don't need this conversation now!" I answered.

" You know... if I have to choose between you and someone else." He paused to hold himself back from tearing apart." I would've chosen you." He looked at me.

The sincerity flashed in his eyes. My guilty eyes looked away from him. Slowly, tears fill up my eyes. I held Nora a bit closer to keep myself from crying. I cannot do this right now. I can't see him in tears. I don't want to choose between them.

" You can't look into my eyes. Is it guilt or you can no longer stand my presence?"

" It's neither of them," I answered as a tear fell down my cheek.

" Hmm" He looked away as his eyes tear up. He gathers up his emotions as he speaks again.

" You know... I died alone in my house. You and I bonded together because we both gave upon the world. I just... know that since I died... our realm became our home. I made you a part of my family. "

Tears escaped my eyes as memories came into my mind. Guilt takes over me as I looked over at Ken. My heart felt pangs as my tears expressed something that I couldn't put in words. I and Ken has always been together. We have helped each other out so many times.

Every time, I look at him. I couldn't help but feel how we are drifted at this moment. He wanted to help me. He understood me. However, he knows that it is something that will cost my life. I was ready to give up on my life again. I forgot that Ken who was so close to me. He wasn't ready to give up on me yet.

" I am so sorry, Ken," I mumbled.

" You know... I don't blame you for the fear that you feel when she is in danger. I have the same fear" he confessed despite breaking into tears. " I have had the same fear since the time you left. It only worsened when Elder gave you a deadline to bring her soul."

He takes in a deep breath. I no longer can make an eye contact with him. I felt like I have disappointed him.

" I am sorry, Ken."

" I thought... I will do everything to have you home. I... I thought I could help you." he paused.

" I am afraid, Yoongi. One of us..." He turned away to have his back towards me "... will be let down at the end. " Saying so, He disappeared in thin air.

I rested my head against Nora's head. My closed eyes didn't stop me from feeling pain. Neither they were able to stop the tears. My heart seems to ache again. I felt pain of losing someone. I felt the pain of our distance. I knew I hurt him. It feels like I was made to hurt everyone around me.

Why can't I have both of them in my life happily?

Why?

I can't choose both.

I wish I was better off alone.

No heart. No attachments.

what a weird thing to be human!

Feelings. Emotions. Attachments.

They are the problems.

They are the solutions.

My best friend, Ken.

My love, Nora.

Why can't we just keep each other happy?

Why am I torn between two important people in my life?