Wesley was staring up at a supremely pissed-off Mark Hoffman. They’d never met the guy in person before now, only images in files and on screens, and via Dr. Gordon’s borderline rants about the dude. Wesley had already decided that despite the fact that the detective looked like he could smack the shit out of Wesley without breaking a sweat, Mark Hoffman was definitely someone who would be hilarious to piss off.
And they hadn’t even had to try. All Wesley had done was emerge from their room/workspace/supreme domain in order to grab something to eat while they were waiting for Lawrence to get done getting changed post-trap cleanup. Mark was standing in the hallway of their abandoned school, tapping his foot on the aging tiles and looking for all the world like someone had pissed directly in his cheerios.
“You.”
“Me,” Wesley nodded.
“You’re the kid Dr. Gordon got saddled with?” Mark asked. Wesley wasn’t sure they were a fan of the disbelief in his tone, thanks. “You’re dressed like a librarian.”
“And you’re dressed like a bitch, what the fuck about it?” Wesley replied. First of fucking-all, they did not choose this. Wesley was a victim of Lawrence being a preppy bitch. Second, Wesley was getting really tired of having to look up to glare at people. Their neck was getting sore. “Shrink, motherfucker.”
“Excuse me?”
“Wesley who are you talking-” Doctor Gordon stopped himself short when he saw Hoffman’s quickly reddening face and Wesley’s grin. “Whatever they’ve said, ignore it. Wesley has a habit of behaving like an idiot on purpose.”
“That is so fucking rude,” Wesley said.
“Gordon, we need to talk,” Mark said, ignoring Wesley. What the fuck. “Preferably away from your miniature accountant.”
“Dude, I will fuck you up from here to Friday, try me-” Wesley was cut off when Dr. Gordon led Mark away from where Wesley was currently stancing up.
Wesley made a vain attempt to follow, but they didn’t really care that much, and going through the effort of crawling into the service duct they’d found while exploring seemed like a lot. So Wesley slumped outside the door, only catching brief sentence fragments, mostly from Hoffman’s end.
‘I don’t- ...Ronica shouldn’t… no I’m not… the Matthews boy… John has already… not the point... Doctor.”
Wesley jumped when the door finally opened, scrambling away to make it look like they totally weren’t eavesdropping.
“I’m a surgeon, Detective, not a psychiatrist,” Dr. Gordon said. Mark looked more disgruntled if that was possible. Time for Wesley to capitalize on that.
“Get owned,” Wesley said. Dr. Gordon sighed.
“You’re still here.”
“I’d say ‘unfortunately’ but I wake up and make that god’s problem,” Wesley replied.
“This,” Mark interrupted. “Was a colossal waste of time. Call me when you have another file ready.
“Wait!” Wesley said, just as Mark turned around. “Have you seen Candice anywhere?”
“Who the fuck is Candice?” Mark asked. Wesley took a moment to retract every statement they’d ever made about God. God was not a bitch, and had not abandoned them. God was real and in this creepy old school building. God was currently laughing at someone who wasn’t Wesley for the first time this century.
“Can-” Wesley was desperately attempting to keep a straight face while horror dawned on Doctor Gordon’s. “Can Deez Nuts fit in yo mo-”
Dr. Gordon slapped a hand over Wesley’s mouth Detective Hoffman didn’t move. Dr. Gordon didn’t move. Wesley was choking on their own laughter behind Lawrence’s hand.
“I’m leaving,” Mark said after a long moment of staring.
After he’d gotten out of their hallway, Dr. Gordon let Wesley fall to the floor, where they continued nearly sobbing from the laughter shaking their whole body.
“You’re cleaning up the next trap,” Lawrence said after Wesley had calmed down some.
“Doc, it was absolutely worth it, oh my god.”
“Was it?” Doctor Gordon asked, raising an eyebrow.
“You saw his face, right?” Wesley asked, grinning more when the doctor fought down a smile.
“Get up, that floor is filthy.”
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Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt people!)
FanfictionWesley has hit an all-time low. In fact, they think they may just take the cake for shitty bullshit life stories. Getting put in a goddamn Jigsaw Trap didn't help. Joining up with the guy who did it just might. I Highly suggest reading The Beginning...
