Letter to Orion

To Orion, the light of my life.

But sometimes, we must turn those lights off.

No words could explain how much I loved you, Orion. We were bound with an extraterrestrial rope, but we couldn't get too close, and for that, I am sorry. I know it's not my fault, but I still feel the need to apologize for things I didn't do or can't even control.

You taught me that.

I had no escape. Your gravitational pull kept me close- but not too close. I was destined to chase after you forever and for a while, I didn't mind. Because even if my life was falling apart, even if I constantly neglected my needs, I had to be there for the ones I loved. Otherwise, I was being selfish.

You taught me that.

You taught me how to doubt myself, how to lower my self-esteem with just one thought, and how to push away others for the sake of your enjoyment. But you never once taught me how to love. I followed you for so many years, hoping to catch up to you, hoping to have a glimpse of your warmth. But now I know that this "warmth" was a fiery death that burnt and destroyed and manipulated everything it touched.

And I was cold enough to let you set me on fire.

One day, I got a little greedy. I was sick of being left in the dark, Orion, and I wanted to feel you just once. So I pushed aside all of the people I cared about and everything I stood for just to be close to you. That was the greatest mistake of my existence. Those first few moments were everything, but seconds later, everything around me burned to the ground. The worst part is that I knew the consequences of my actions. But it was always one step forward and two steps back, and I couldn't take it anymore. You drove me to insanity, made me feel like I was doing something wrong, and as if I didn't deserve you.

And the worst part? I still loved you.

Do you know what it's like to admire someone who put you through so much pain? Who degraded you in the worst ways possible? You were my shining star, and no matter what you did, I always came running back to your intoxicating heat. But here's the stone-cold truth:

You broke me.

You turned me into something I never thought I'd be.

You shattered me into pieces.

Now all of the little asteroids will come crashing down on the people we love, pushing everyone away. But you're okay with that, right? Even after we ruined everything, even if you're gone, you would do it all over again just to prove that you have complete control over me.

But I am done with that.

I am done with the "playful" jokes, I am done with chasing, I am done trying to get you to acknowledge me. There are plenty of stars in the galaxy, and I am not going to keep crumbling because of one.

With much, much love,

Luna