Alfie :]

Part 3

I came home about 11 pm, this time, more people where downstairs, talking and playing games. It only hit me, the moment i saw Kyle asleep on the sofa, how late it actually was. I walked over carefully, placing my hand on the side of his cheek. He didn't start, but remained still, only thing that changed was the rate of his breathing. It got deeper. Carefully lifting him up, i sat up against the sofa and let his head rest in the crook of my neck. He most likely could just sense it was me, and pressed himself up against me.

I stared at my phone, glancing at the time every so often, watching it change. I engaged in some conversations happening around me, but something just suddenly changed in my head. I blacked out.

When i regained consciousness, i had kyle at one side of me, holding my left arm down, and ryder at my right. I blinked in confusion, before pulling both arms away and sitting up. My breathing had deepened and sped up, to the point i was hyperventilating. Kyle pulled my mask off, as it impairing my ability to breathe properly. I instinctively covered my face. I wore that mask for a reason. "Hey hey, you're okay. It's just me and Ryder." I adjusted my vision, and gave Ryder a confused look. We weren't in the living room, this was the kitchen. "Episode." she said. The word ran through my brain and played on repeat. Episode. Another one.

I have never really been open about my mental illnesses or my mental health. It wasn't a subject i like to talk about, or parade it on the streets. If im totally honest with you, I was sure i could stop the voices. Guess i never can. They're always there. I've just learnt to ignore them. Act like they aren't there. Even when they tell me to hurt people i care about. I manage to ignore them. But sometimes, they take control, circling my head and then i dont feel anything anymore. It all goes dark.

Except the people. When it goes dark, i can see silhouettes. All blacked out, except their eyes. No pupils. Just eyes. Staring. Into my soul and every time they get closer i can hear whispers getting louder and louder. I have never been able to make out what they say.

"Alfie?" Kyle whispers, but it was enough to make me jump out of my thoughts and back into reality. At least, I think it was reality. After these things, im dazed, and i struggle to make sense of whats what. My focus switches between the two people at my side, looking for an injury, a mark, that could mean I was a monster. I've promised myself as soon as i hurt someone. I go.

My eyes skimmed over them both, until a red mark on the side of Ryders face catched my eye. I stare at it, trying to calculate the size of the mark, and the size of my own fist. It was me, alright. I then heaved myself up, and held onto the wall for balance as my body weighed me down. A million thoughts where circling through my head and i could not focus on just one. My eyes darted back to that red mark. Did i really do that? I swear it wasn't intentional, i don't even remember anything from the past.. 10 minutes? I don't even know how long its been, what time it is or anything from before, its all just darkness, with the silhouettes, whispering.