Self-Doubting Love

Chapter 1: Batting Cages Are Bad News

"Oh come on, it's not that bad." Dylan states as we sit on the tailgate of his truck.

"Yes, yes it is. Last time you tried to help me fit in I got a broken tailbone. I tried doing what you said but ended up breaking my butt instead."

"Okay, so you broke your butt, big whoop. You survived, and your rear end is perfectly fine, so stop complaining and let's leave."

I suddenly felt very insecure about my butt, which still didn't make me change my mind about going to the batting cages. I sucked at sports, all of them, you name it we've tried it. The last sport on the list is baseball/softball. But it didn't matter, I hated getting things thrown at me and I wasn't going.

"Cade, you get to hit stuff with a stick, doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Dylan I am never going to fit in so can we stop trying and go get some frozen yogurt?"

"Cadeson Annica Deeley we are going to the batting cages and there is nothing you can do about it. Now get your perfectly rounded butt in the car. NOW!"

I flinch at his voice levels as they rise. When he's mad I usually never mess with him, but in this case I am not going to listen. I'm always letting him drag me into things I don't want to do, I know he's trying to help but it doesn't work.

"I repeat, I am not going to the batting cages. I REPEAT I AM GOING TO GET FROZE-"

I couldn't even finish my sentence because he had thrown me over his shoulder. Am I nothing but a ragdoll that can be thrown round? Thrashing around in his arms I try to get away, but he won't budge. That's what I get for being friends with a wrestler, baseball, football, and soccer player. I mean come on, be more like me and eat some cartons, or all the cartons of ice cream in your house.

While I was lost in my daydreams Dylan had already threw me in the passenger seat of his car and I was now buckled in. I reached for the seat belt and unbuckled it quickly, opening the door that Dylan had shut expecting it would keep me from escaping, NOT TODAY EL DYLANO. I reached for the handle ready to escape when I felt a hot, rugged breath on my neck.

"You really think I would be stupid enough to leave you an escape route?"

"Yes, yes I do EL DYLANO!"

He just stared at me, our faces inches apart, he didn't even flinch when I screamed in his ear. Maybe he's used to me screaming in his face. Wow, I must scream quite a lot. His eyes stared holes into my eyes as our faces were close enough that you couldn't even fit the whole divergent box set between our faces (A/N: GOSH, I LOVE THAT SERIES!!! THE FEELS!!!!!!). As we stare into each other's eyes I see his shift down to my lips and back up. I wouldn't have even noticed if I wasn't intensely staring into his eyes that were as green as a freshly cut lawn. Wait, what am I saying? He wanted to kiss me, KISS ME, OH CRAP! Everything stands still, I don't even think I'm breathing anymore, it was starting to get awkward.

"Your car isn't going to drive us to the batting cages by itself now is it, Mr. LetsKidnapMyBestFriendAndTortureHerByMakingHerSportz?"

Dylan had snapped out of his intense staring contest with me, which by the way, I would have won if we were actually doing a staring contest. The car started and we were on our way to his hysterics and my inevitable failure.

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"Get up!" Dylan stated, clearly trying not to laugh, it wasn't working.

I was lying in front of the heart wrenching piece of machinery that launches spheres of material-most likely made from an animal that was slaughtered-and stitches that look like the color of blood. Maybe from the animal, which THEY SLAUGHTERED? Even though the ball could injure me (probably because it wants revenge on humans for killing it and turning it into a death machines partner in crime) Dylan still thinks it's a good idea for me to stand up and swing a stick at a death defying machine. This is gonna end like the end of Allegiant, The One, The Maze Runner, Specials, The Whole Hunger Games Series, and The Fault in Our Stars, WITH DEATH!!!

"I will not stand up and risk my little pathetic life so you can try and help me. Which in fact will not even help me at all because I will fail and die a painful death. Why? You may ask, because while I am lying on the ground blood spilling out of me you my friend will be on the floor laughing so hard you are crying like the little wimp you are!" I practically scream at him as he stands there in shock at what had just came out of my mouth.

"Don't act so shocked, some of us can be stern and mad and everything you usually are too."

I then quickly sprinted out of the little whole used to enter and exit the death cage. My luck isn't very good to me though because then I started to cry. Not because I may lose my friend, but because of my stupid, pathetic, little, bully filled life. Falling to the ground sobs racked my body making me shake. I hear my named being called but it's muffled by the sounds of my sobs. Strong arms wrap around my frail body and pick me up bridal style. I was carried to Dylan's car and I knew the strong arms weren't from a stranger they were just from Dylan. I was heaved into the passenger seat of the car and buckled. Before I knew it we were on the road, and I knew that we were heading straight for the frozen yogurt shop at the end of the street. This is always how I was cheered up after failure. People may give up on you, but food will always be there. Oh, And Dylan too.

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We sit outside of the frozen yogurt shop munching on bowls of heaven. Dylan hasn't said a word to me ever since I screamed in his face and had a meltdown. Tired of being with Dylan in an awkward situation I stood up and walked away, frozen yogurt in hand. Heavy footsteps trailed behind me, knowing it was just the one and only Dylan I kept on walking to who knows where.

"Cade, wait up! I need to talk to you."

I sigh but turn around and face him anyway. He would have just thrown me over his shoulder and caused a scene if I didn't do what he says, so what's the point?

"Cades, I really didn't mean to make you mad, it just drives me insane how you get bullied all the time. I just can't take what they are saying to you, I try to help but I'm just one person, I can't do it all. I really want to help you, so I thought if you became athletic or sporty it would attract people and show them you aren't some geeky nerd who spends all her time watching Netflix, obsessing over stars because she wants to be like them and reading fanfiction and romance stories all the time. I wanted them to see the real you, the girl who is absolutely positive..."

I didn't even let him finish that sentence full of lies. I had heard that same sentence many times before and every time I still failed to see the point on having confidence, because I have none.

"Stop lying to me Dyl, I am some geeky nerd who spends all her time watching Netflix, obsessing over stars because she wants to be like them and reading fanfiction and romance stories. That's who I am, nobody can change that. Not you, not me, or some random group of athletes you wanted me to be friends with. I thank you dearly for trying but it doesn't work so you might as well move on and forget about it. This is the world we live in and we can't do a CRAP ABOUT IT. Trust me I've tried, and failed, over and over again." I say on the brink of tears

"Okay" he said in a calm and soothing voice. "Let's just go home, and from now on I will try to stop trying to help you. If that made any sense, did it make sense?" Dylan replies trying to figure out if what he said actually made sense.

"Okay, let's go!"

Frozen yogurt still in my grasp we head to Dylan's car laughing over something I can't remember.

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Here is the first chapter to Self-Doubting Love. I apologize if it stinks, it is my first story on Wattpad sooooo... Pancakes